When I imagine a Happily Ever After, I picture lots of people to care about, who care about me.
I also picture myself in an isolated cube, where no one can hurt me, no one can bother me.
All I want from life is to follow my curiosity and creativity wherever they may go, and deliver what I learn to The World.
If there was Love and Building Family as a result of that, that would be beyond my dreams.
But my most basic ask of life is the time, space, and safety to research and create.
WHY IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?!?!?!
I’ve heard that I shouldn’t be so frank and open with my feelings on here.
But I love it.
In fact, I would say that #Mastodon - esp #ActuallyAutistic - and #Kamala’s campaign are the only aspects of life that are GIVING BACK right now; everything else is TAKING TAKING TAKING.
🌈💜🌈
My candid communication about my emotions and learning about #ActuallyAutistic aspects of life (“What is me? What is autism?”) was recently used against me in real life, and it’s almost killed me.
I’d shared a link to this account with a coworker so they could track progress on my artwork. I never in a zillion years imagined they would weaponize my account against me. My mind just does NOT work that way… I guess I’m not a predator?
Every time I draw something new, that's an affirmation that I want to stay alive.
Every time I post a link to music, art, film, literature, that's an affirmation that there are things worth living for.
Attached: 1 image May I present WE BELIEVE IN A LAND OF LOVE. Thank you for going through this process with me. #NewOrder #ThePerfectKiss #Illustration #Design #NornCutson #Illustrator #Art #Artist #AYearForArt #ArtistsOnMastodon #ArtistsOfMastodon #DigitalArt #ArtMatters #MixedMedia #MastoArt #MastoCreative #AVLArt #AVLArtists #AVLArts http://www.norncutson.com/
May I present
BOLT OF BLUE.
Thank you for going through this process with me.
#SelfPortrait #NewOrder #BizarreLoveTriangle #Sketchbook #Illustration #Design #Illustrator #NornCutson #Creative #MastoArt
I just realized i ‘d drawn myself having a seizure last week! I hope that didn’t bring it on!
I think i had a more benevolent view of losing control of one’s faculties. 😞
I know better now.
Have i told you I’m having problems with memory since the seizures? Vocabulary words, names of simple objects…. I’m just coming up blank, and i’m alarmed.
Your subconscious mind making the connections about what was going on before your conscious mind knew?
After you posted that you were in the hospital and had a seizure, I was thinking about your post a bit ago about the feeling of your body being a castle and you were in the tower looking out through the eyes of your body.
https://neurodifferent.me/@n69n/113030604392348822
It reminded me of my shutdowns. I think you mentioned that it hadn't happened to you in a long time. I'm wondering now if that was related.
💜💜💜
It’s been a day of crashing and cascading realizations. I have had these episodes throughout my life, but not one in a long time, where i feel like my body is a castle, and i’m a little tiny thing locked in the castle’s tower, looking out through the eyes of my body. I can’t move. I can’t speak. All I can do is look out the windows of my eyes and cry. Today it struck me, “Is this the feeling of disability?” The feeling passes, and i can walk and talk afterwards, but not while it is happening. While it is happening, I am absolutely vulnerable, and today is the first time it struck me that these episodes could strike me anywhere, anytime. It sent me on a spiral. How I should have never moved back here, I should have stayed in NYC, even if it killed me, because it is better to die chasing your dreams than to live in this state of failure or whatever it is that I’m in. And how the people I work with, even the ones I get along with, are low-quality, (out of the blue this morning, a co-worker said “I hate lesbos!” 😳 ) and the overwhelming shame that, if I can only find a job working among low-quality people, than doesn’t that mean I’m a low quality person, too?
The biggest thing is I CANNOT GO BACK TO THE GROCERY STORE. It will happen again.
I have to do the work of finding a job more suited to me.
I have to make this happen.
More legible update.
I told you I wouldn't be able to sleep until I fixed that spacing!
#SelfPortrait #NewOrder #BizarreLoveTriangle #Sketchbook #Illustration #Design #Illustrator #NornCutson #Creative #MastoArt
Creative! Queer!! Autistic!!!
Kevin Davy
Eric
ideogram
Elizabeth
Bernie Luckily Does It