ALRIGHT, MOTHERFUCKERS. IN ANTICIPATION OF A FRESH ROUND OF TWITTER REFUGEES, I AM REINTRODUCING MYSELF.

I AM LRRR, RULER OF THE PLANET OMICRON PERSEI 8. YOU MAY KNOW ME FROM MY EXTERMINATION OF THE GOOSE PEOPLE OF GLIESE-581C, MY TED TALKS, OR MY MINOR RECURRING ROLE AS AN INTERPLANETARY ANTAGONIST ON FUTURAMA. PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT I AM WIDELY REGARDED AS OMICRON PERSEI 8'S BIGGEST WIFE GUY; THE DECISION TO CAST ME AS A SHITTY HONEYMOONERS-STYLE HUSBAND PLAYED FOR BIG LAUGHS ON MY HOME PLANET.

WHILE TRAVELING TO ZETA RETICULI FOR "BUSINESS," I CRASH-LANDED ON EARTH. I HAVE COMMANDEERED QUARTERS FROM A PUT-UPON MIDDLE-AGED TAX LAWYER IN ALASKA. I CALL HIM HUMAN GHOSTWRITER TO AVOID OMICRONIANIZING HIM. ALSO, BECAUSE HE HAS THUMBS, I MAKE HIM TYPE FOR ME. I REFUSE TO DEGRADE MYSELF BY SELECTIVELY CAPITALIZING LETTERS.

I BELIEVE IT IS IMMORAL TO DISCRIMINATE BETWEEN MEMBERS OF A SPECIES. YOU ARE ALL SCUM, AS FAR AS I AM OFFICIALLY CONCERNED. BUT UNOFFICIALLY, I AM AN AVID CONSUMER OF EARTH CULTURE. I LIKE LOUD MUSIC, BAD TELEVISION, FILM CRITICISM, FOOD, AND ART GENERALLY. I EAT PEOPLE, BUT IT'S NOT A SEX THING. MY BAND, LRRR AND THE OMICRON PERSEI 8, IS ON A BRIEF PERMANENT HIATUS (MY RHYTHM SECTION DIED OF CREATIVE DIFFERENCES).

I AM SEEKING TO BECOME PRESIDENT OF EARTH THROUGH LARGELY PEACEFUL MEANS. I *KNOW* I CAN SEIZE POWER BY FORCE, BUT THE BALLOT BOX WILL BE FAR MORE OF A CHALLENGE. I INTEND TO USE MY OFFICE TO BUILD A HUMONGOUS PLANET-KILLING LASER IN THE AMERICAN HEARTLAND (YES, I'VE HEARD OF KANG - THAT HACK, WITH HIS STUPID BULLSHIT LASER). THE TIME HAS COME FOR MY MUSCULAR BRAND OF AUTHORI-CARE-IANISM, WHICH YOU MAY KNOW BETTER AS FULLY AUTOMATED LUXURY SPACE COMMUNISM (IT CAN BE AS GAY AS YOU WANT).

I HATE GEESE, LOVE JOHN K. SAMSON, AND DESPISE HOT WEATHER. YOU WON'T LIVE TO REGRET HAVING ME PLASTER YOUR FEED WITH UNHINGED TAKES.

#Introduction #LRRR2024 #CAPELYFE