Rob LorenzJul 3, 2024
Craig Hockenberry

If you're a young developer at Apple you have no idea how hard this feedback hits.

So many of your points-of-view change after the first death in the immediate family. That's not likely to happen until your fifties or sixties.

The memorials on our devices are important: I have a weekly reminder to “Check in on mom” that will never be removed because it has a whole new purpose since her death.
https://mastodon.social/@agiletortoise/112718541856786929

Jul 2, 2024 at 9:28pmIvory for Mac
Show threadCraig HockenberryJul 3, 2024

I like this idea from Louie Mantia - Apple should establish a team that deals with the humanity of their products.

Apple is awesome at accessibility - there's a dedicated team at the company that deals with the wide range of human capabilities.

Apple is awesome at privacy - same thing.

Apple should be awesome at preserving and respecting the memories contained in devices that are inextricably linked to our daily lives and the interactions with people we love.

https://lmnt.me/blog/love-death-and-computers.html

Love, Death, and Computers

Show threadPierreJul 3, 2024
@chockenberry yes. "Other" is not good enough 💔
Show threadCraig HockenberryJul 3, 2024
@maccatalan You can assign a custom label to that field, which helps a bit.
Show threadMatteo GavagninJul 4, 2024
@chockenberry call it Humane
Show threadmarlies Jul 2, 2024
@chockenberry @agiletortoise i ended up having to delete my dad long after he died because his number got re-issued and it got associated with the profile picture the new owner had on Whatsapp or Telegram or something. Friggin sucked.
Show threadBrian MoakleyJul 3, 2024
@marlies @chockenberry @agiletortoise That's absolutely brutal. It amazing how these devices can turn into emotional hand grenades. Hugs.
Show threadJC MannJul 2, 2024
@chockenberry I have still keep voicemails from my Mom.
Show thread CalebJul 2, 2024
@JCMann @chockenberry My most treasured possession is a voicemail my dad left my wife and me thanking us for taking him out for Father’s Day and what a wonderful time he had. You can absolutely hear every ounce of joy in his voice.
Show threadCraig HockenberryJul 2, 2024

@ccunning @JCMann Mine is dad calling to talk about an urgent problem (his computer was acting up again).

Thought I'd never miss those calls, yet here we are.

Show thread CalebJul 2, 2024
@chockenberry @JCMann The shameful thing is, that call probably went to voicemail because I was exhausted by him at that point in the day 🥺
Show threadJC MannJul 2, 2024
@ccunning @chockenberry Yup. I couldn’t be bothered. 🤦🏻‍♂️ Too busy.
Show threadJessamynJul 2, 2024
@JCMann @chockenberry Same.
Show threadCraig HockenberryJul 2, 2024
@JCMann Yep, same. (Dad, too.)
Show threadEl BrownJul 2, 2024

@chockenberry @agiletortoise A couple times a year I start a calendar item “Coffee with” and iOS suggests a friend who died by suicide.

…a word so sensitive, iOS wouldn’t let me type “suicide” via swiping. Instead offered “sulfide” and “artifice.”

Show threadCats Who Draw Jul 3, 2024
@carmanjelo oh god, that's terrible - I'm so sorry. I lost a family member to suicide as well. It's strange that iOS would suggest it in that way, though. @chockenberry @agiletortoise
Show threadEl BrownJul 3, 2024
@catswhocode It's because I have previous appointments with my late friend's name in the title. A solution would be to delete them, but I'm never going to do that.
Show threadCats Who Draw Jul 3, 2024
@carmanjelo Aww! I think that's very sweet. I like to stay connected with my deceased relatives and friends however possible. 
Show threadHeath BordersJul 2, 2024
@chockenberry I would think there would be enough long-timers to have added this, or like enough Steve fans that would have wanted this.
Show threadBrianJul 2, 2024
@chockenberry I will never remove my deceased MIL from Find My.
Show threadadamriceJul 2, 2024
@chockenberry Maybe I’m a monster, but when people die, I delete their contact cards.
Show threadAndy LeeJul 2, 2024
@chockenberry I sometimes go to a supermarket called MOM's. The other day I searched Maps to remind myself what street it's on, and had an emotional moment when my mother's contact info was at the top of the list. These things matter to people who have lost people.
Show threadMax Leibman has moved!Jul 3, 2024

@chockenberry @agiletortoise This week, a policy change at work meant I could no longer access my task list from my work Microsoft account on my personal Mac or PC, so I switched Microsoft To Do back to my personal account, which I had last used in 2019 . . . the year my mother passed away. One of the last unchecked-off tasks was a recurring yearly reminder to wish her a happy birthday.

I cleared out a bunch of the other detritus, but I left that one there, for just that reason.

Show threadAlex RosenbergJul 3, 2024
@chockenberry @agiletortoise Deleting contacts of the deceased also affects how old emails and iMessages are rendered, etc.
Show threadPauxlll KruczynskiJul 3, 2024
@chockenberry @macmanx @agiletortoise if the date deceased would show up in the calendar, that would be even better. I do this for family, and friends’ loved ones. It’s good to remember when your own relatives passed, but also how those passing affect your cousins, aunts, uncles , friends, and that they may be facing difficult anniversaries.
Show threadAndreJul 3, 2024
@chockenberry related: if an anniversary comes up the devices (and services) might bring up „remember when this happened“ which might be not a Good Idea. See https://meyerweb.com/eric/thoughts/2014/12/24/inadvertent-algorithmic-cruelty/ for someone who had to experience this
Inadvertent Algorithmic Cruelty

I didn’t go looking for grief this afternoon, but it found me anyway, and I have designers and programmers to thank for it.

Show threadOld accountJul 3, 2024
@chockenberry @agiletortoise I added it for my dad.
Add date then customize the name to death. I think it did come up either in the calendar or Siri suggestions. He died in 2023 so I have only seen it once.
Show threadCraig HockenberryJul 3, 2024
@linnefaulk @agiletortoise That's a good idea. Just added a death date for both my parents - and had trouble remembering the exact date for my mom 😢
Show threadAntwan van HoudtJul 9, 2024
@chockenberry @agiletortoise For me it changed having backups of things; suddenly keeping some chats around of my parents is actually vitual