Any #autie people here who can help me figure out how to accept the fact that if I want to be more relaxed and not constantly #burnout, I can probably only work at 30-40% of the capacity I used to work at (by sheer force, hence the burnouts) — for the rest of my life?
It's such a blow and I just don't know how to navigate this. I've been trying for the last year and only made small strides.
Any first-person blog posts would be helpful too.
@benjamincox I've been able to stave this off so far but I feel like it won't be long before I am in the same situation too...
*hugs*
@weav kinda in the same boat. more tools just overwhelm me into inaction.
or i get distracted constantly.
@ru I reached a very high level of burnout at about the same time that my physical health declined. It took 8 years and a heart attack to receive a proper diagnosis, so of course, for all of that time my ability to cope lessened significantly. I had to quit working - and without a diagnosis there was a lot of...blame. My family thought I was being lazy. I thought I might be. i thought a lot of things, but I absolutely knew that I lacked capacity.
As @adelinej says, you need to take time to grieve. Understanding your limitations and adhering to them will help.
You can't be 100% (as compared to a particular type of NT person, I assume?). But 100% of you is 100% of what you can invest, and there is absolutely no comparison to other people because other people aren't you.
I...don't know that any of that helps, but your question is quite relatable. I did a LOT before I quit, and did a lot more after that (in hindsight) I probably shouldn't have. I mean...I had a heart condition...went bungee jumping...on roller coasters...forced myself to walk well past the time that I should have stopped. Coming to grips with that was a necessity for me...as it is for you.
Good luck.
@ru I'm not sure I can help you, but I can reassure you that you're not alone. This is exactly me.
I just had a 2 week, fully disconnected vacation for the first time in years, and it did wonders for burnout. I felt like I regained mental clarity and cognitive skills I haven't had in years.
Now the trick is to not burn myself out again 😬
@dave How frequently have you burned yourself out?
I feel like my cycle is every 2 to 4 years, but I'm still always teetering on the edge of it anyway in between proper burnouts as well.
It's like it's ever-present...
@ru Yeah, I also feel like I've been in some form of perpetual burnout for years, but my cycle of deep, debilitating burnout is 6-12 months :\
My cycle usually looks like:
- Feeling in control and focused, adulting well, keeping on top of finances and chores and life
- I start obsessively fixating on an interest - usually programming-related but not always
- This lasts 3-4 months, in which I gradually get more and more obsessive, I can't stop thinking about it, I don't sleep well, etc.
- I deepen my burnout: I wake up tired after 9+ hours of sleep, I can't focus even on things I normally enjoy, I don't feel motivated to do anything, I can barely stay on top of life, finances are usually going to shit because I'm being much more reactive and impulsive, etc.
- This lasts for another 3-4 months
- I start rebuilding my routines
- Repeat
I've had to scale my working hours back to 4-5 _focused_ hours a day. I used to do 7-8 (or 10+ during fixation times) and that is absolutely not sustainable.
What I'm working on now is 1) finding a sustainable balance and 2) finding ways to add a "circuit breaker" to break the cycle before I go too deep
Ru (Tech) 
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