🏳️‍🌈 Dion 🏳️‍⚧️🫶🏿

"Sometimes people use “respect” to mean “treating someone like a person” and sometimes they use “respect” to mean “treating someone like an authority”

and sometimes people who are used to being treated like an authority say “if you won’t respect me I won’t respect you” and they mean “if you won’t treat me like an authority I won’t treat you like a person”

and they think they’re being fair but they aren’t, and it’s not okay."

-a 15yo autistic girl experiencing ABA therapy

Mar 24, 2024 at 4:02pmWeb
Show thread🏳️‍🌈 Dion 🏳️‍⚧️🫶🏿Mar 24, 2024

her tumblr no longer exists or I would have linked to it, but her name was stimmyabby there, and i hope that wherever she is now she's doing okay <3

EDIT: apparently her tumblr was simply renamed! although she's not posted since 2018 :(

the link to the original post is here: https://flyingpurplepizzaeater.tumblr.com/post/115216522824/sometimes-people-use-respect-to-mean-treating

follow celeste pewter on twitter

Sometimes people use “respect” to mean “treating someone like a person” and sometimes they use “respect” to mean “treating someone like an authority” and sometimes people who are used to being treated...

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Show threadClara “idling forward” sparksMar 24, 2024
@DionRa so do I :/
Show threadClaudeMar 25, 2024
@mxsparks @DionRa I'm on the Internet Archive right now. I think I might be about to find the original post soon...
Show threadClaudeMar 25, 2024
@mxsparks @DionRa I can't seem to find the post on the IA. It's available as a reblog though. Like there: https://grrrbusey.tumblr.com/post/664673730457436160/do-as-youre-told-stimmyabby-sometimes-people
Grrrbusey • do-as-youre-told: stimmyabby: Sometimes people...

do-as-youre-told: stimmyabby: Sometimes people use “respect” to mean “treating someone like a person” and sometimes they use “respect” to mean “treating someone like an authority” and sometimes people who are used to being treated like an authority say “if you won’t respect me I won’t respect you” and they mean “if you won’t treat me like an authority I won’t treat you like a person” and they think they’re being fair but they aren’t, and it’s not okay. This is so well put I am stunned

Grrrbusey
Show threadClaudeMar 25, 2024
@mxsparks @DionRa And I definitely hope she's okay too.
Show threadClaudeMar 25, 2024
@mxsparks @DionRa on the IA, the link to the original blog post redirects to the login to tumblr page. Maybe Abby made the post seeable only to logged in users at some point. idk.
Show threadBruce ElrickMar 25, 2024
@DionRa https://soycrates.tumblr.com/post/115633137923/stimmyabby-sometimes-people-use-respect-to-mean?
Soycrates • stimmyabby: Sometimes people use “respect” to mean...

stimmyabby: Sometimes people use “respect” to mean “treating someone like a person” and sometimes they use “respect” to mean “treating someone like an authority” and sometimes people who are used to being treated like an authority say “if you won’t respect me I won’t respect you” and they mean “if you won’t treat me like an authority I won’t treat you like a person” and they think they’re being fair but they aren’t, and it’s not okay. (via wizardovthevoid-deactivated2018)

Soycrates
Show threadNicolas Le GlandMar 25, 2024
@virtuous_sloth @DionRa https://web.archive.org/web/20150404010354oe_/http://stimmyabby.tumblr.com/post/115216522824/sometimes-people-use-respect-to-mean-treating
Show threadBernie Luckily Does ItMar 25, 2024
@DionRa We need an autiSWAT team for when people post things like that. (kidding not-kidding)
Show threadGadfly (-booq-)Mar 26, 2024

@DionRa Her Tumblr still exists she just renamed, to https://flyingpurplepizzaeater.tumblr.com/tagged/my%20bones%20said . (Posting her original posts tag specifivally because I like her words.)

She hasn't posted since 2018. I'm heartbroken I miss her so much, she was (is?? please let it be is.) the best wordsmith of our generation.
She was the best of us.

my bones said

Posts on flyingpurplepizzaeater tagged as my bones said

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Show threadGadfly (-booq-)Mar 26, 2024

@DionRa I suppose you were thinking about the link to the post itself, specifically.
That's here: https://flyingpurplepizzaeater.tumblr.com/post/115216522824/sometimes-people-use-respect-to-mean-treating

In my opinion the most impactful line of it isn't the main thrust, but the part that hits you in two blows after you've internalized the core "definitions about respect" message, tacked on almost as afterthoughts.

"and THEY THINK THEY’RE BEING FAIR but they aren’t,"
like they honestly do. They're not bad people, to themselves/by their understanding -- they don't see themselves as cruel and don't necessarily want to be selfish. They simply, to the extent that they try, fail.

but still,
"and it’s not okay."

follow celeste pewter on twitter

Sometimes people use “respect” to mean “treating someone like a person” and sometimes they use “respect” to mean “treating someone like an authority” and sometimes people who are used to being treated...

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Show thread🏳️‍🌈 Dion 🏳️‍⚧️🫶🏿Mar 26, 2024
@gaditb oh thank you! i didn't realise! <3
Show threadGadfly (-booq-)Mar 27, 2024

@DionRa <3

I miss her so much.

Show thread🏳️‍🌈 Dion 🏳️‍⚧️🫶🏿Apr 1, 2024
@gaditb same :( ❤️
Show threadJayMar 24, 2024
@DionRa I think this was also from Tumblr, but ever since I saw it I loved this one: “The people who call themselves brutally honest are more interested in the brutality than the honesty.”
Show threadtrdebunkedMar 24, 2024

@DionRa yeah the person with those expectations is using bait-and-switch logic, playing a shell game with standards.

authority is fundamentally about different sets of standards for different people, they really dont even have to say it. but that wont stop them from pretending it makes sense.

and it always comes back to "it makes sense because i said so, which im backing up with some sort of abuse of power." then the abuse is justified by the same argument- almost like... a circle.

Show threadJo - pièce de rÊsistanceMar 24, 2024
@DionRa she nailed it. Very astute.
Show thread🏳️‍🌈 Dion 🏳️‍⚧️🫶🏿Mar 24, 2024
@JoBlakely she did. people tend to think nonverbal autistic folk aren't good with words but oftentimes they're better than neurotypicals when writing, just cutting right through all the bullshit to the heart of the matter like that ❤️
Show threadNicole ParsonsMar 24, 2024

@DionRa

Deference isn't respect.

Respect is a two way street.

Deference is a one way street that shores up a hierarchy.

Show threadKaren a woke Karen 🧡Mar 24, 2024
@DionRa
Amongst criminals and workplace bullies, if they say "you don't respect me", it means you're not showing fear of them, and that makes them angry.
Show threadPB Livin'Mar 25, 2024
@Karenawokekaren @DionRa *it scares them. Bc if someone steps out of line they take it as a challenge, and see it as a threat to their authority. They fear being thrust off their pedestal. Even if you didn't mean it that way, that's how they see it, bc that's their way of viewing the world.
Show threadWoozle HypertwinMar 24, 2024
@DionRa It sounds like she's describing my dad. -.-
Show threadcognitively accessible mathMar 24, 2024
@DionRa Wow. (Rereading and committing to memory.)
Show threadCher TailorMar 24, 2024
@DionRa I've heard about this.
Show threadgobborgMar 25, 2024
@DionRa I remember when I saw this on tumblr 12 years ago and it changed my life
Show threadFábio Costa 🐇🕐🎩☕Mar 25, 2024
@DionRa this should be put everywhere
Show threadenoch_exe_incMar 25, 2024
@DionRa Basically sums up my views on the legitimacy of the legal system and how school seems to work in general. As a result of this reckless equivocation of respect and authority (as well as the violence used to justify it), I have, rightfully, become fearful, suspicious, and paranoid of anyone with any amount of authority.
Show threadJeromeMar 25, 2024
@DionRa As others have noted, the first "respect" is "deference", which is linked to the idea of hierarchy.
Autists often have problems perceiving hierarchy, so have difficulties expressing the expected level of deference.
Show threadBernie Luckily Does ItMar 25, 2024
@dl2jml @DionRa I don't have a problem perceiving hierarchy, I just think it's stupid.
Show threadmoraynerMar 25, 2024
@DionRa a fairly good abstract of the dynamics of abuse.
Show threadThe Animal and the MachineMar 25, 2024
@DionRa @christianp
100% A perfect summary.
Show threadTim Ward ⭐🇪🇺🔶 #FBPEMar 25, 2024
@DionRa Our third form teacher said "by default I treat everyone with respect [ie as a person] by virtue of their being a human being ... unless and until they choose to demonstrate that they do not wish to be respected".
Show threadJoana de Castro ArnaudMar 25, 2024
@DionRa This.
Show thread[66178] Mistress Sparkles in TwilightMar 25, 2024
@DionRa I would add something to this but well it would pull it out of its context too much
Show threadXerz 💗Mar 25, 2024
@DionRa tying respect and dignity to authority and social hierarchies is…. a thing
Show threadGeoff WinklessMar 25, 2024
@DionRa I wish I could boost this 10 times.
Show threadLittleFrankMar 25, 2024

@DionRa It gets even muddier when they say "that's my opinion and you have to respect that"

I don't even know what that means. There are many opinions that deserve absolutely zero respect.

Show threadGeeden_Of_ArdenMar 25, 2024
@LittleFrank @DionRa
I feel one should protect their boundaries by responding in such a case: It is MY opinion that respect is earned. I will gladly respect your opinion when you can demonstrate its worthiness.
Show threadSteven HiltonMar 25, 2024
@DionRa spot on observation
Show thread#[deprecated] QyriadApr 11, 2024
@DionRa (what is the connection to ABA, here?)