deantoir_ceardaiochtaI set out very few boundaries with my estranged mother, in the hopes that if she respected them perhaps we could maybye build some form of relationship going forwards. The boundaries are basically leave me alone but if you must get in touch text, even if someone has died, text. If you wish to speak to the children they are available x times/days, text beforehand to confirm availablity and you can speak to them on speaker phone or arrange a supervised visit.
personally I dont think that's a big ask, I am not comfortable speaking to her on the telephone. when i used to I'd answer on speaker and my oh would be beside me silently. I'd basically use my oh as both a witness and a gague to see if my emotional reactions were correct because after years of being gaslit I didnt know if my responses were correct (turns out they are) plus she'd regularly deny saying anything if i called her on it later.
So this week a distant family member who I havent seen in years, who made no effort to keep in touch with me even before the family split, died. The sheer level of effort she went to to not text me was amazing. she ended up phoning my friends mom and telling her to tell my friend to tell me.... instead of just sending a text like i'd asked. #estranged #NoContact #NarcissisticParent