Bright CircuitFeb 21, 2024
Les Orchard
I beg of you, web site designers, just let me scroll through a page and stop trying to make my scroll-wheel the hand-crank of your obnoxious hurdy-gurdy of a marketing presentation
Feb 21, 2024 at 5:06pmWeb
Show threadLes OrchardFeb 21, 2024

This is the latest example, a page for the new Orox bike from Tern.

I like their cargo e-bikes. I'd like to flick through this page to get a sense for the new one. Instead I get this janky jerky twee slide show where I can't figure out how to stop on any particular bit of info without getting stuck halfway through a transition.

https://www.ternbicycles.com/en/bikes/471/orox

Orox: Family-Friendly Adventure Cargo Bike | Tern Bicycles

Meet the Orox&nbs

Tern Bicycles
Show threadLes OrchardFeb 21, 2024

Oh! And what's worse: Trying to scrub through this page by grabbing the scroll bar with my mouse, I also realized there's periodically a navigable carousel of stuff to stop and click through.

So, while they're doing all these fancy slide-wipes and stutter-stop animations in reaction to my scrolling - the actual info I want to see is hidden behind next / previous arrows I have to stop and click on. Crimony, this is awful

Show threadLes OrchardFeb 21, 2024

Several folks have mentioned hurdy-gurdy's favorably in replies, which makes me feel bad I slandered the instrument here.

I wonder if anyone's used scrolljacking to actually hand-crank a hurdy-gurdy simulator on a web page? Or even a music box? Or a player piano? That'd be a neat toy

Show threadBill SeitzFeb 21, 2024
@lmorchard (OLPC energy-crank) https://wiki.laptop.org/go/Peripherals/Hand_Crank
Peripherals/Hand Crank - OLPC

Show threadMatthew WaltonFeb 22, 2024
@lmorchard I love the hurdy gurdy as an instrument but your metaphor was exactly right to convey what these website design horrors feel like. Hurdy gurdys are for dance not for websites.
Show threadIan BickingFeb 22, 2024
@lmorchard reminds me of https://www.blakefallconroy.com/minimum-wage-machine.html
Blake Fall-Conroy Art

Show threadBob ThomsonFeb 23, 2024
@lmorchard hurdy gurdy is a term that instantly makes me think of departed relatives who’d say it all the time. Must be a Glasgow patter thing. https://youtu.be/9hwo61RtL2Y?si=jqTY-LumYQ-DWDdq
Still Game - Hurdy Gurdy song

YouTube
Show threadWes CampaigneMar 9, 2024
@lmorchard Proposal: a browser extension that simulates playing the melody of “Pop Goes The Weasel” on a hurdy-gurdy in the background as you scroll for any page that engages in this sort of scroll-jacking.
Show threadMathiasTCKMar 21, 2024
@lmorchard I think rube goldberg web design is sometimes deliberately obscuring some information. Like they really want to make you eat a lot of marketing before revealing device specs, or price, but they also realize it has to be available eventually.
Show threadmav Feb 21, 2024
@lmorchard That's remarkably bad.
Show threadSheldonFeb 21, 2024
@lmorchard I absolutely loathe that kind of UI too, but just as often if not more, the fault lays with the CEOs. They're so easily distracted by shiny garbage and all it takes for one competitor to do something flashy and tacky for all of them to follow suit and if you dare tell them that it's not a good idea, they'll shove you out the door before you can finish speaking.
Show threadLes OrchardFeb 21, 2024
@sysop408 It's annoying me because I'm like, I need a Reader Mode for this brochure - and then I'm like what am I doing with my life
Show threadCoach Pāṇini ®Feb 21, 2024
@sysop408 @lmorchard
…cuz the execs don’t use the site. This what happens when design and product people get muted.
Show threadFlorianTischnerMar 9, 2024

@paninid @sysop408 @lmorchard

This is what happens when the wrong kind of design people get free reign.

Show threadSheldonMar 9, 2024

@paninid you know, it's sometimes even worse if they're actually using the site because they insist that the experience gets optimized around their specific use case, which is almost always nothing like the needs of the average user.

In one of the developer podcasts I listen to, they joked they sometimes install the "CEO Search" module. Instead of corrupting their search scoring methodology to get the results the CEO wants to see, it allows manual manipulation of search ranking for a handful of articles that everyone knows the CEO will zero in on and flip out about if they're not the first ones shown.

@lmorchard

Show threadCoach Pāṇini ®Mar 9, 2024

@sysop408

Designing alternate realities catering to the HiPPO (Highly Paid Person’s Opinion) explains a lot about the world right now.

@lmorchard

Show threadDawn AhukannaMar 10, 2024

@sysop408 @paninid @lmorchard

… so C-Eg-O driven development?

Show threadIvanTheBlueFeb 21, 2024
@sysop408 @lmorchard
That's why I agree to do it then come back two days later with some techno-babble as to why we can't do it unless we completely rebuild the site or something
Show threadIan LanghamMar 9, 2024

@IvanTheBlue @sysop408 @lmorchard you must have a copy of the bastard operator from hell's flip book...

I applaude and admire your IT judo skills. 😅🤘

Show threadJernej Simončič �Feb 21, 2024
@lmorchard I tried Reader Mode in Vivaldi, and the site somehow manages to break that (using the scroll wheel rubberbands to the top of the page, though dragging the scrollbar does work).
Show threadNicole ParsonsFeb 21, 2024

@lmorchard

I've resorted to selecting all the text & copy/paste it into a text-only notes application, just so I can read the article without the sensory equivalent of strobe lights flashing on and off.

Shutting off javascript in the browser sometimes helps too.

Show threadevilspoonsMar 9, 2024

@lmorchard I've done my best to deal with sites like these by middle clicking, getting that funny double arrow thing, and offsetting the cursor just enough that it scrolls slowly but at a constant rate. This should absolutely not be necessary, but it makes these sorts of pages barely tolerable.

I'm offended by the site you linked almost enough to send them an email or something despite it not being relevant to me at all.

Show threadevenrevenFeb 21, 2024
@lmorchard They're not just obnoxious, but it's so rare they even work. I have a recent mid-level Android phone, and on Vivaldi/Chromium this janks along so badly I needed some time to notice that scrolling did anything at all. If I, as a developer, showed this to my boss and said it was ready to launch, I would probably get fired, deservedly.
Show threadenantiomerFeb 21, 2024
@lmorchard WAT
Show threadenantiomerFeb 21, 2024

@lmorchard

so bad

Show threadTim LavoieFeb 21, 2024
@lmorchard That is obnoxious. Pretty sweet bike though!
Show threadЮ ⁂Feb 21, 2024
@lmorchard It hurts neurally to use this.
Show threadRobotistryFeb 21, 2024

@lmorchard I especially loathe the way my one single action "scroll" turns into "flip to next image down" and then into "flip sideways" and then "jump to image" and then "make something move in the opposite direction from the direction I'm scrolling" and then "zoom out".

It's like someone said "Here's a box of effects. You have to use all of them at least once. Make it easy for me to grade."

Show threadEric VitielloFeb 21, 2024
@lmorchard This website makes my head hurt
Show threadwesruvFeb 21, 2024

@lmorchard

SCROLLJACKERS!!

😤🔱😡🔱🤬🔱🔥🔥😠🔥

Show threadMatt BroughtonFeb 21, 2024
@lmorchard Yeesh. It’s truly awful and janky on mobile.
Show threadBen Ford Feb 22, 2024
@lmorchard even with the warning, that was so much worse than expected. It made the site literally unusable.
Show threadAlly from Reborn MediaFeb 22, 2024
@lmorchard this is 💯 about the designers/developers showing off.. some simple user testing would instantly show that it’s not working for the customer surely?! Do these companies not run user testing sessions? Grrr
Show thread✨ déménagement era ✨Feb 22, 2024
@lmorchard on mobile it's really painful
Show threadShane CelisFeb 22, 2024

@lmorchard Dang. I still want one even though that web site tried to hack my eyeballs.

But yes, make scrolling boring again!

Show threadTim   Feb 24, 2024
@lmorchard on mobile this is a nightmare as well. Swipe down sometimes goes down, but more often spins a wheel or makes something fly in from the side?!
Show threadಚಿರಾಗ್ 🌹✊🏾Ⓥ🌱🇵🇸 (he/him)Mar 8, 2024
@lmorchard So glad I keep JS disabled by default! This kind of stuff is so bad it's basically unusable...
Show threadmonkee Mar 8, 2024
@lmorchard holy F. That's horrible!
Show threadMarcoMar 10, 2024
@lmorchard What the fuck? This is the worst „implementation“ of this „feature“ I‘ve ever seen. 😳
Show threadRandom Geek in limboFeb 21, 2024
@lmorchard or at least include hurdy-gurdy music
Show threadLes OrchardFeb 21, 2024
@randomgeek Yeah! Actual hurdy-gurdy's are neat!
Show threadRichard HendricksFeb 21, 2024
@lmorchard @randomgeek SaaS I could pay a nickel to use - take one of this ridiculous websites and add the music to it as you scroll down!
Show threadcatraxx Feb 21, 2024
@lmorchard It's unfortunately something customers often request.
Show threadLes OrchardFeb 21, 2024
@catraxx Yeah, I used to work on marketing web sites and remember awful dumb clients  Wish I could tell their client as a customer that this is ass
Show threadcatraxx Feb 21, 2024
@lmorchard Yeah. If i had any say in the matter, i'd do none of that. I like simple, static websites.
Show threadMeowbotage! >:3cFeb 21, 2024
@lmorchard This was neat in 2010 when it was novel and done with purpose. Now it's only annoying.
Show threadKay Ohtie 🔜 FWAFeb 21, 2024
@lmorchard I have seen like, a tiny handful where it was genuinely cool and actually implemented properly, and none of them were for marketing. That tiny handful is also a mere tiny handful of the total number of these abominations I've seen and wanted to throw out a window because they didn't work on my phone properly or some other bullshit besides wasting my time. @compufox
Show threadTeflonTroutFeb 21, 2024

@lmorchard I asked for a link to a product brochure because I'm in the market for a killer bike, and they said "There's one on each bike's page."

...I know. That's the whole fucking problem.

Show threadJo Dusepo  جوهانا دوسپوFeb 21, 2024
@lmorchard i totally agree, but also this is beautifully poetic.
Show threadAlexFeb 21, 2024
@lmorchard Not our fault. It's always a management decision.
Show threadAndrew ConnFeb 21, 2024
@lmorchard This usability nightmare is called “Scrolljacking”. Here is an article from NNG … https://www.nngroup.com/articles/scrolljacking-101/
Scrolljacking 101

Altering the normal pace or direction of scrolling can contradict user expectations, control, and freedom. If businesses adopt the pattern, they can minimize usability risks by weighing it against functional value, cognitive load, and user efficiency.

Nielsen Norman Group
Show threadFor whom the Taco Bell tollsFeb 21, 2024
@lmorchard holy shit. Yes, double yes.
Show threadListerine Lavender MintFeb 21, 2024

@lmorchard this and every restaurant website.

I want a static page with their hours, location, and menu. I don’t need 8k UHD images of pasta.

Show threadFlorian EgermannFeb 21, 2024
@lmorchard the macromedia flash intro is laughing from the grave
Show threadBee O'Problem Feb 21, 2024
@lmorchard glad I'm not the only one who hates that.
Show threadMalcolm HerbertFeb 21, 2024
@lmorchard am stealing this phrase, despite the fact that I do enjoy the hurdy-gurdy on occasion ... :)