Gus Shepherd
Church of Jeff
๐ฅ Eveline Sulman ๐ณ๐ฑ๐ช๐บ๐บ๐ฆ@jeffowski yes, indeed. Hearing two messages at the same time is so frustrating!
Paul Nix@jeffowski Single tear ๐ข followed by cool runnings slow clap that builds to momentous applause.
SeriousMoonlight@jeffowski I wish I could boost this more than once all across the world.
Andi89S4051@jeffowski
Good to get this in my mind before i become a father. ๐ค
Good to get this in my mind before i become a father. ๐ค
phanjam@jeffowski apparently the olofahere Tumblr blog is inactive? It would be nice if you could tell us more about them.
C.L. Who@jeffowski Many don't enjoy being around ones family and it's the families fault. If they want that family member around treat them better.
Ben Aveling@clwho @jeffowski maybe we donโt want to follow that one to itโs logical conclusion
Phil Rees@jeffowski Anyone experiencing this should consider whether they are the family scapegoat.
Family Scapegoat: Signs, Effects, & How to Cope
The family scapegoat is singled out and blamed for problems in the family. The burden of dysfunction of the group is placed on one member, regardless of the true causes of these issues. This person can be a child, step-child, troublesome uncle, or even a family friend. Being the
Mat BradshawStrained relationship with a parent. "Hello stranger" as an opening gambit on the phone when I finally CALLED YOU, not the other way round, just added another 3 anxiety filled weeks to the gap between our next communication
Dead now. Missed out on so much by being like this. Your loss not mine. I see my kids every day. You saw them less than their dentist
Sorry, touched a nerve there, but stand by it
God forbid my children ever feel like this and I don't get every possible moment with my grandchildren. What a waste of life to not love those you can and should love
แแ แแแแแแแ
แแแ แแI see a lot of this sort of behavior when people are shitty to others who acknowledge they were wrong and someone else was correct.
If you take that opportunity to be shitty be prepared for that being the last time anyone says you were right about anything.
๐ฉโ๐ฆฏThe Blind Fraggle@jeffowski I didn't like drinking water when I was a kid. Who wants water when there's soda around? The only time I even drank milk was sleepovers at my aunt's house and that was what she served with dinner. Up into my 30s probably I could count on one hand the times I willingly drank water. Point is, I didn't always make the healthiest choices. Anyway, whenever I did drink water, my mother and my aunt would say to each other, "she's gonna get poisoned!" Guess what that made me not wanna do? 1
@jeffowski I guess no one loves drinking water, though some people seem to do it more naturally than others, but they made it a lot more dificult to learn to drink it than it had to be.
Crossbow@Fragglemuppet @jeffowski As long as it's cold, it's my preferred drink. I'll drink soda, milk, juice, and coffee (every morning), but cold water has been my drink of choice as long as I can remember.
Alison Meeks@Fragglemuppet Didn't grow up loving water but picked it up doing Smoke Enders. Now it's what I drink 98% of the time. Keep water everywhere in my place so it's always handy. @jeffowski
@jeffowski And sorry for highjacking this post. My point was that by punishing kids for doing the right thing, you can prevent them from not only from taking care of their mental health, but their all-round health and well-being.
Tim Gatewood
Mike J๐น๐ ๐ค๐ป@jeffowski This also applies in the world of policy. If somebody from the other side sees the light and joins you, you don't have to announce to the world that you disapprove of WHY they converted. That doesn't mean you have to accept all of their other views, but when you get a W, take it.
vandenberglegs@jeffowski This happened all the time in our house growing up. We make a conscious point of not doing it with our kids.
MWT@jeffowski Once upon a time, my mother was away for many weeks (months?). The plan was for my father and us three kids to rotate making dinner. My siblings chose to stock up on frozen pizzas. I tried to make some soup. The soup failed because I didn't know how to cook. Everyone laughed. I gave up and got pizzas. My father ended up cooking every night. I refused to cook anything ever again (this lasted until I moved out 10+ years later and had to feed myself). The end.
Mark Down@jeffowski no matter their mood, it's always true to tell my child "I'm glad you're here." One of the many important lessons I learned from Alfie Kohn's "Unconditional Parenting"
That was ten years ago, and reading that book (and a few others) has proven to be one of the best things I've ever done for my kids and myself.
it's B! Cavello ๐@jeffowski this is really useful. Will try to internalize.
Niko 
@jeffowski i remember in the final days living with my abusive father it was just a lot of this
i stayed in my room because the internet was my only access to anything that let me escape the real world for a bit
but when i did come out of my room i got the snarky bullshit and yeah it just drove me further back in
i stayed in my room because the internet was my only access to anything that let me escape the real world for a bit
but when i did come out of my room i got the snarky bullshit and yeah it just drove me further back in
Sirana@jeffowski So so so much this!
Rose, Skaven Mars PriestessThis is a really hard lesson to learn as a parent and so fucking vital.
Robert Atkins@jeffowski Even sub- โmental healthโ criticality level this is good parenting advice, good advice for communicating with spouses, friends, colleagues andโฆ well, everyone.
รlbaum@jeffowski When I was a kid, I was shy about saying hello to people. Then later I was not so shy about it anymore, but I was expecting that if I said it, my parents would make a big deal out of it, saying โfinally, he started saying hello,โ so I was still not saying it.
Anyway, I donโt know where this fear was coming from, because it didnโt happen.
Laurent Bercot@jeffowski Please go 40 years back in time and shout it into my mother's ears until they bleed.
saffronflight 
@jeffowski yes, oh my fucking god
Bjรถrn@jeffowski @cas Right but what do you do when authorities do these things?
E.g. child services, doctors etc.
E.g. child services, doctors etc.
@jeffowski @cas Right but what do you do when authorities do these things?
E.g. child services, doctors etc.
E.g. child services, doctors etc.
[GARLIC] Lunya 
๐ง@jeffowski so much this! I rarely talk about my emotions or what I really want to do bc my parents keep making these snarky comments if I do. I know I should try to change this but it's hard
Seรกn FenianBecause I swear to fucking god there is nothing more soul-killing, more motivation-crushing, than struggling to succeed and finding out that success and failure are both punished.@jeffowski A THOUSAND TIMES THIS.
Yeah, I might have personal feelings about this. There is a reason why a major sub-thread in one of my published novels is recovery and healing from long-term emotional abuse.
Yeah, I might have personal feelings about this. There is a reason why a major sub-thread in one of my published novels is recovery and healing from long-term emotional abuse.
-> @haileys.quest@jeffowski the "finding out that success and failure are both punished" makes it so hard to get up in the morning. Literally. If I get up early, I get an earful about it, if I get up late, I get an earful about it. I just want to eat my breakfast in peace god damn it.
Bruno Girin@jeffowski see also: "you can do better"
coldclimate@jeffowski thank you for sharing
Michael โ๏ธ
Vee@jeffowski Catch them doing well! ๐
Catherine is not complacent@jeffowski when nothing you do makes them happy you have a tendency to say fuck it and do what you want.
fatuus@jeffowski thats passive-agressive sentences, isn't it ?
Niclas HedhmanExactly! My ambition to learn to speak Chinese when I lived in Shanghai was crushed by some very close friends laughing their socks off every other time I said something.
ktown.girl@jeffowski I really don't like any of these remarks. I'd like to add "Why can't you be more like _________ (insert name of sibling, cousin, friend, parents' friend's kid). Ugh!
Kevin Karhan 
@jeffowski SO FECKING TRUE!!!
Maxilo Overit@jeffowski My response to that kind of cruelty is to say "They say i'm mentally ill. What's your excuse for being so rude?"
chaos |@jeffowski and when strained-family-relationship members spend so much of our time in each otherโs company commenting โwe never see youโ and whining about how I donโt call them enoughโฆ theyโre wasting the time they supposedly want to have together?
why would I continue to put myself in situations where there is little hope of any genuine connection AND Iโll be harassed for the absence of this connection.
nah.
๐๐บ๐ธ๐ฅ@jeffowski I know it wasn't malicious from most family members, but this definitely happened when I was growing up. Now they wonder why I'm such a hyper private person ๐คฆโโ๏ธ.
Stationkeeper@jeffowski I had that happen recently when I was asking how to embed an existing webpage into a window on my homepage. After the 12th "That's easy, just go look it up" I finally just asked ChatGPT (not proudly, I admit) and I got the quick code snippit I needed to paste into Wordpress.
Alison Meeks@jeffowski That could have been written by my mother.
Bel Tamtu | Critter Unit@jeffowski a couple of those I do to myself a lot and I'm probably echoing stuff I learned as a kid but no matter where I got it from it's still pretty negative self talk. Like. I use "finally" a lot, probably not only self-referentially but I do use it then. I think I will try to actively change that one.
DriftiniDon't complain about how it's not enough. Don't
bring up previous stuff.
wow this part resonates particularly well with me
Hasufin@jeffowski Or, gods, turning the least step into a big, humiliating production.
Takiro ๐จ@jeffowski
No matter what I did it was never enough.
No matter what I did it was never enough.
MsMerope@jeffowski or...ignore it.
Just act as if it's a totally normal thing to have happen.
For some little kids (that's who I work with) ANY spotlight attention is mortifying.
I always let a child choose whether or not they wanted the class to sing happy birthday to them: song? hug? handshake? something else? nothing?
Prometheus@jeffowski
Very true. I've been working on allowing myself to experience wins. In large part because any time I did let go, have fun, accept reality as "good enough" and start engaging...someone would comment about that, and attention would be off of the activity and back onto me. Nothing could ever just be fun. There had to be a lesson, a grade, a way to improve.
@jeffowski
Very true. I've been working on allowing myself to experience wins. In large part because any time I did let go, have fun, accept reality as "good enough" and start engaging...someone would comment about that, and attention would be off of the activity and back onto me. Nothing could ever just be fun. There had to be a lesson, a grade, a way to improve.
@jeffowski