Jaye (supports all strikers!)
Ricki Yasha TarrIn the 90's, a full grown man who was pretending to be a doctor, wrote a book called Men Are From Mars, and Women Are From Venus. The book simply stated that women are emotional, and men are rational, while writing about his downright abusive irrational treatment of his own wife, and somehow this was a best seller.
The very first thing in this book is a story about how his wife had an Incredibly difficult birth and he had left her alone with a newborn baby and in tons of pain like 5 days after she had the baby. He comes home and she's having a breakdown because she's trying to care for an infant and no one has picked up her pain prescription. He starts a fight with her about how she's accusing him of not caring for her, and starts to leave, but she convinces him that he needs to stay. Mind you he is a writer and has absolutely no reason to not be working from home and helping her out anyway. But you know women are irrational and emotional.
Margaret Moonshadow@RickiTarr Glad I never read the book. Sounds like pure trash.
D. G. MarshallMy wife is disabled. Together, we have raised a child, a lovely young man.
I am also a writer.
I also worked full time at a non-writing job until early retirement in 2019.
Yes, I could have written more if I was a selfish arsehole who left them to fend for themselves.
I'm not able to do that. My writing is not more important than them.
@davidtheeviloverlord Right! Like sometimes we give up things for people we care about, and it sounds like you've gone above and beyond. But making sure your wife and baby are safe and healthy seems pretty obvious.
BashStKid@RickiTarr way to spot the bloke who didn’t listen even once to his wife during pregnancy about what she wanted or thought or needed.
Asta [AMP]@RickiTarr Here's hoping he keeps getting kidney stones but doctors just tell him "that's normal" and send him home without painkillers.
Anneleise Hall@RickiTarr it was such a big deal at the time. I finally got hold of a copy and never finished it. A celebration and reinforcement of patriarchy
aethervision@RickiTarr I deeply love that his ex-wife, Beverly De Angelis, also came out of the marriage writing relationship books. Her’s had titles like “Secrets about Men Every Woman Should Know.”
Makes me think that everyone who comes out of a marriage without writing a relationship book is hardly even trying.
Makes me think that everyone who comes out of a marriage without writing a relationship book is hardly even trying.
Michael Gemar@RickiTarr Why did he think this makes him look good?!
@michaelgemar That was my first thought, who would choose to put this story in a book! It was supposed to prove that he listened to his wife and stayed and she was much happier, but that's the least of the problems my dude.
Seán Fenian@RickiTarr You know, I never read that book.
Now I'm glad. Because I hate feeling like somebody needs to have the shit throttled out of them.
Now I'm glad. Because I hate feeling like somebody needs to have the shit throttled out of them.
Jason Kemp@RickiTarr His first wife wrote similar books but he divorced her in 1984. It seems like a fair amount of what was in the book was rehashed from Deborah Tannen's book called - You Just don't Understand.
Jon Quass@RickiTarr
I highly recommend the If Books Could Kill podcast. They cover this and other self-help books.
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/men-are-from-mars-women-are-from-venus/id1651876897?i=1000596707945
I highly recommend the If Books Could Kill podcast. They cover this and other self-help books.
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/men-are-from-mars-women-are-from-venus/id1651876897?i=1000596707945
Andromeda Yelton@RickiTarr FIVE DAYS
criminy, I had a c-section and at 5 days postpartum I was still wildly anemic from surgical bleeding and not able to stabilize my core enough to bend over a changing table to change a diaper
@thatandromeda RIGHT! Even you've had the best possible birth, 5 days seems really short!
Sarah Fackrell@RickiTarr Wait, what? I remember hearing about that book but never read it. That's absolutely appalling.
clarkiestar@RickiTarr what a wanker
@RickiTarr my abusive ex used ‘the chimp paradox’ book to justify his unreasonable behaviours. Another wanker
Ko Simon toku ingoa 
@RickiTarr I am much more emotional than my wife. We are both Autistic.
@SimonCHulse Right it has more to do with personality and how you were raised, plus you can be emotional and also rational, one doesn't negate the other
David Brent 📚@RickiTarr The hosts of the podcast "If Books Could Kill" would seem to agree. Their deep dive on the topic last year is excellent.
The Flight Attendant@dbsalk @RickiTarr Yep, it's one of the best episodes of "If Books Could Kill" yet!
If Books Could Kill: Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
Episode webpage: https://www.patreon.com/IfBooksPod
Media file: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2040953/12115974-men-are-from-mars-women-are-from-venus.mp3
@CosmicTraveler @dbsalk YEP, JUST WHAT I WAS ABOUT TO LINK! Thank you for saving me the time!
Paul Will Gamble 
🇨🇦@dbsalk One of my favorites!
Lazarou Monkey Terror 🚀💙🌈@RickiTarr the shit they got away with back then.
FoolishOwl@RickiTarr It was part of the anti-feminist backlash of the era. There was a lot of smug gender-essentialist nonsense being pushed, with a thin veneer of liberalism. I saw that book as on a continuum with columnists mocking "metrosexuals" and lamenting the good old days when sexuality was mysterious, and with Camille Paglia getting interviewed fucking everywhere.
@foolishowl Yep, it's definitely that. I remember thinking at the time, that it's seemed overwrought and simplistic, and I was 12.
Emily 🏳️⚧️ (Sad Music Era)Ah yes, metrosexual -- the ridiculous idea that a man might take some care in his appearance and some joy in his life.
I think the screaming was part and parcel of the outsourcing of labor from men to women, and the keen desire by many men to keep it that way.
"Looking good is HER job, but it's also her job to make sure I look good, and to tell me when that is, and also to do the dishes, laundry, raise the child, vacuum, cook, support me in all things...."
"Metrosexuals" were men doing "women's work" by being fully capable of competently handling their own styling and grooming, and by merely existing it showed men who relied on the women in their lives to nag them into clean clothes and regular haircuts were just being lazy.
And so of course the long-running joke about metrosexuals is that they were gay. Both because it was "feminine" to be able to handle that, but also because obviously only men who didn't have women in their lives would need to.
Simon Brooke@foolishowl @RickiTarr Getting interviewed fucking seems a niche fetish.
@simon_brooke @RickiTarr That would have explained a lot about Paglia, come to think of it.
Tim Blackler@foolishowl @RickiTarr aaahh 'metrosexual' that's a blast from the past
Mx. Luna Corbden 🐸@RickiTarr And somehow I read it and thought it was useful.
Coach Pāṇini ®
Corvid Crone
Trojan Duck
Rev. Odessa Cathode Ray 
@RickiTarr I remember that well. I didn't realize that the author pretended t be a doctor, though, or the stuff about his wife. I tried to stay away from the mainstream self-help scene. I never read The Secret either, and one of those people killed someone in a sweat lodge. I guess he didn't manifest staying out of jail.
@odessa Oh God The Secret! Like if you want to tell people about positive thinking then cool, but they were literally telling people they could positive thinking their way out of illness, people stopped cancer treatment and stuff. That's insanely irresponsible.
Pistolenkind@RickiTarr I find it very ironic, also speaking from my own experience, that these types of men are the ones whose egos can be hurt by any little thing, who immediately become morbidly jealous, and who are easily provoked and then fight with others. Dude, you're not rational. You are many times more emotional than any woman I know. Just in a very toxic way.
@Pistolenkind Right, and I can be rational and emotional at the same time! Society would be better if everyone was taught to express their emotions in a more healthy way. I don't think of it as a Male/Female problem, everyone wants to be understood and respected.
@RickiTarr No. It is a sexism problem.
@RickiTarr By the way, emotionality is a brain function. And not a small one. More or less an entire hemisphere. Ignoring this is not particularly rational.
@Pistolenkind Great point
@RickiTarr This is also why some men are so incredibly immature if you never deal with your emotions.
Virginia MurrSadly, I think the book was effective at one thing ... verifying the priors of far too many people.
Side-note: it's a horrifying testament to how incredibly easy it was (and, arguably still is) for people to overlook abusive behavior when they "like" a person (or what that person is doing or saying).