ScotchfairyOct 5, 2023
Lesbian Death Bed
1
Stephen Graham Jones: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the girl who’s obsessed with slashers
Jones: there’s this girl who just constantly talks about slashers
Barker: oh that sounds really annoying
Jones:
Barker: like that sounds SO annoying
Oct 5, 2023 at 5:25pmWeb
Show threadLesbian Death BedOct 5, 2023
2
Jones: so one day she thinks she might be in the middle of her own slasher movie
Jones: and she thinks oh shit this rules
Jones: people are just gonna get murdered left and right
Jones: this fucking rocks
Show threadLesbian Death BedOct 5, 2023
3
King: so why’s she think she’s in a slasher movie? is there a killer on the loose?
Jones: oh it’s cuz this hot virginal girl moves into town
King:
King: wait so not because anyone gets murdered?
Jones: no just cuz this hot girl moves in
Jones: i mean that’s usually the first indication that a slasher is around right?
Show threadLesbian Death BedOct 5, 2023
4
Jones: so this hot but very pure girl moves into town
King: and somehow that makes the slasher-obsessed girl think that she’s in a slasher movie come to life?
King: but why would tha-
Joss Whedon: [shrieking] SHE’S THE FINAL GIRL!!!
Whedon: LET ME TELL THE STORY!
Whedon: I KNOW ALL THE TROPES!
Show threadLesbian Death BedOct 5, 2023
5
Jones: see, this girl knows the rules of a slasher movie
Jones: so she knows how to-
Joss Whedon: OH! OH!!!
Whedon: OH!!!!!!
Whedon: PICK ME!! PICK ME!! I have thoughts on this!!
Jones:
Jones: no
Whedon: b-b-b
Whedon: [weakly] b-but the tropes
Whedon: [weakly] i-i need the tropes to live
Whedon: [weakly] p-please
Whedon: [weakly] the tropes
Whedon: [pathetic cough]
Show threadLesbian Death BedOct 5, 2023
6
Jones: also in the midst of this a whole herd of elk mysteriously dies
Jones: possibly from overexertion during a pick up basketball game
King:
Poe:
Jones: It could happen
Show threadLesbian Death BedOct 5, 2023
7
Jones: so this girl sees some classmates going to a party
Jones: so she puts on her michael myers mask and kind of stalks around in the background
Jones: as you do
Show threadLesbian Death BedOct 5, 2023
8
Jones: there’s a summer camp that was once the site of a slasher-type massacre. It was on the other side of the lake, up the road with the gas station, you know, the one old man McGee ran? He used to sell sodas in cans, not with the pop tops. With the pull tabs. They don’t make those anymore, you can’t even get them.
King: so about that massacre
Jones: this is what we call local color
Show threadLesbian Death BedOct 5, 2023
9
Jones: so i had to take the ferry over to terra nova. so i tied an onion to my belt, as was the style at the time. we didn’t have white onions on account of the war
Koontz: [crying] when are we gonna get to the massacre
Show threadEve (?), she/her (?), secret spooky romulan (?)Oct 5, 2023
@bitterkarella You do for horror what Jon Bois does for sports
Show threadFeralRobotsOct 5, 2023
@bitterkarella (love King needing this explained to him by Jones.)
Show threadMattOct 5, 2023
@bitterkarella love this
Show threadFeralRobotsOct 5, 2023
@bitterkarella Were the were-elk? I think they were were-elk.
Show threadScotchfairyOct 5, 2023
@bitterkarella that's annoying. I can't attach Poe images on this platform.
Show threadFoolishOwlOct 5, 2023

@bitterkarella 'Whedon: [weakly] i-i need the tropes to live'

One of your best lines right there.

Show threadRegular Mouse 🐁Oct 5, 2023
@bitterkarella this pleases me in so many ways 
Show threadMad CarewOct 5, 2023

@bitterkarella

I know how to make Grease 1000 times better, now…

Show threadA Part of BeeOct 5, 2023
@bitterkarella see this is one reason I like following you, I've not heard of that book but this whole thread absolutely sells it to me as something that could be a fun read :)
Show threadtiny frightsOct 8, 2023
@bitterkarella @morix It is a fun read, but also very moving in places.