Having fun at the event so far - meeting new people, finding familiar faces, everyone loves the name tag (yes the light up ones the escape room sells lol)
But I had an experience tonight that took a bit of the wind outta my sails. Rather than bottling it, I figured I'd share.
I'm wearing my company polo - helps with the "What do you do?" question after we get past "Oh that's a cool nametag!" But one of the interactions noted the name, and said "Furry as in like..." and made a face. Uh oh.. 1/x
Politely I tried to redirect "Oh, like pets? Nah, it's just the name we have." The other person at the table said "No, he means like Furry, as in *those guys*." I replied, "Hey, they are a market I serve and they're just looking to live happy lives."
But I used they instead of *we*. I couldn't come out. I felt shame then, embarrassed of part of my identity, and I feel shame now, not standing up for myself and our community. It's causing me stress. I'm taking the time to notice and name it. 2/X
It's a conference that's celebrates LGBTQIA+ in business. Of all places, I wouldn't have expected dunking on "the other" from within the broader queer community here. But it indeed does exist - I know this - I just wasn't ready for it.
So I gotta sit with it a bit, breathe through it, self-soothe, and rebuild capacity to get back in the game and put my best foot forward. It's ok to feel sad about it. But I've had lots of other great meetups so far, and the week is just getting started! 3/3
@JD_Puppy I relate to you quite a bit on this. It's really difficult to do, especially without really prepping yourself! If you want sometime I can share my relevant experience/story.
It's great that you're acknowledging it, and I think you still did good by acknowledging and supporting furry!
@sandra Assessing whether it's worth it or not is an important part of it - it's a bit of a pick your battles kind of thing! It's also a normal social action to put up boundaries around things that are personal and close if it's not something others may deserve to know or if there's value in it.
I'm definitely not a coming out specialist, hence this recent struggle, and I might not have handled it the best way, but it's at least my truth, and in a way it sounds like you relate a little!
@kyellgold *hugs* exactly. Actually earlier in the day there was a breakout where folks at tables discussed queerness as an element of their lives (the topic was what is the superpower, good or bad, that your queer identity has helped you build).
I shared the topic of reading the room and situation. Both for being able to identify those that will embrace and promote (safety) as well as identify those that may tear down and belittle (harm). It's a human experience, enhanced by our queerness!
@JD_Puppy *hugs* This is a good approach! Learn what you can from the experience but don’t let it negatively affect the rest of the conference.
I hope the rest of the week goes well!
@martinisoft I've seen you very actively embrace it and find it very courageous! Thank you so much for sharing your experience with this :)
It's very reminiscent of the broader coming out process, and when I was able to name it, then it felt familiar and accessible. And just like the broader coming out process, I can say I'm not ready yet, and that's OK.
JD Puppy 🔜 DenFur
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