This took me a while to figure out and I'm still not sure how to put it into words, but it's been on my mind a lot the last few years:
"Community" isn't a label you adopt or a party you show up to. It's what you bring to the table.
If you want to feel connected when you walk into the bar, you have to introduce yourself to people and make conversation. If you want to play, you have to approach and ask for what you want. If you want a certain kind of event, you gotta organize, donate, volunteer.
I think it's easy to imagine "the community" as this Big Powerful Organized Thing that owes us understanding and support. Why did the contest not provide ASL interpretation? Why didn't someone welcome me on my first night at the bar and introduce me to everyone? How could Springfield Leather provide the wrong kind of bootblack stand? This community is trash!
These are all great things. We *should* have terps! It's *nice* when someone takes a newcomer under their wing personally.
Broadly speaking, our classes and events run on shoestring budgets. Almost everyone involved is an unpaid, overworked volunteer desperately trying to keep an ungainly plane in the air. Our boards are tiny and piece together events in their free time through a network of personal favors and the goodwill of sponsors. All of this runs on people just like you.
You gotta show up. Buy raffle tickets. Lend your sparkling wit. Volunteer in whatever capacity you can. Sit on committee. That's community.
@aphyr @reddywhp I've been learning to set boundaries and say no, and to eat my feelings of disappointment in myself and the community over the gap between the vibrance that is possible and the pared down reality of what's practical.
Anyway, anyone reading who isn't volunteering, even one person additional on a committee or board makes a huge difference in what an org can do for the community. I hope you'll consider giving your time to make the community you want to see!
@aphyr And we end up with a kink "community" that is largely centered around "vanilla latte" harness parties and contest culture that exists to fund venues, line producer pockets, and promote alcohol sales, while most interaction to find radical sex happens online. Or, queer kinksters have to enter pan spaces that are mostly straight and white, and often don't feel like home even if they attempt to be welcoming.
I would guess this is less of a problem in Chicago and SF, but elsewhere...
@yearofthepig @aphyr Definitely still a problem in SF. There's a reason WickedGrounds no longer has a physical presence, there's only one main public dungeon, ... Fortunately the community has/builds a lot of other spaces esp. recently; bars and dungeons aren't the sole, but those additional spaces also make a lot more barriers to entry. Be so nice to have a city which is a kinky play ground.
I'm definitely hopeful that with lowering commercial real estate more will become viable
@yearofthepig @aphyr Tho this is more from protest groups: a common dynamic is also that there's a pressure for performance (events, tickets, high profile speeches) and/or the defacto org boss is high octane -> educational / reachout/ chill events are deprioritised -> new ppl inflow drops -> rinse and repeat till burnout :(
And again, newcomers don't necessarily get that such spaces (even with some funding or merch) simply can't exist as for-profits. Reproductive work still sucks in that way, yay.
At SLSC, we focus on education, service, play, and broadcasting diverse voices in queer kink. Everyone at the table (board, committee members, educators, venue partners) is part of deciding what success is and looks like. As a result, we together decided to deprioritize events that don't fill a gap and don't feel pressure to put all our effort in "going big."
@chmps @yearofthepig Agreed. And to add on: we have to be honest about the fact that universal accessibility is often in conflict with constraints of budget and volunteer expertise & time (or, implicitly, access for people with less money).
I'm really happy that the events CinL puts on (and leather events in general!) have widespread ASL interpretation and partial mobility accessibility. Hell yeah! But I also recognize that takes a specific combination of organizers, volunteers, space, funds.
@chmps @yearofthepig @aphyr I probably interpret this article more widely than its author intended, but a lot of the systems / reinforcements it talks about for _how_ and _why_ it's hard to make changes in kink orgs. I've been trying to make 1) feedback encouraged, 2) help changing appreciated 3) Bring what you'd like to see; there's a lot of space, and more fun is a good thing.
To try and counteract some of them
École des Bro-Arts
Jason F. (OC, California)
CheezFairy
Cody Mischief
chmps
Johnny Gear