Don’t be edgy.
Edgy is being passive-aggressive.
Being passive-aggressive is an NT communication style, not an autistic one.
Some autistic people internalize this as part of their masks.
If you want to be passive-aggressive, just be “aggressive” and say what you want. Be you. Don’t sugar coat.
@prk @actuallyautistics @actuallyautistic that is implied in all statements I make. I acknowledge nuance and abhor absolutes and speak about it on a daily basis here. I cannot preface every single statement with a disclaimer. I'm sorry if that's what you need.
Again - i don't speak for all autistic people nor do all autistic people share the same experiences. everyone is unique. everyone has their own experience. there are some experiences which are more common than others, but just because you don't fit into that doesn't make it so.
Now - making edgy statements which are not clearly communicated it an NT communication form. Most autistic people do not respond well to unclear communication. It's dysregulating. No, not every statement made with snide in the effort to make oneself seem cool to others is passive-aggressive, but they usually are.
I can’t see it as implied at all - where would you say you implied it in your original toot?
As you point out, most Autistic folk need clear and precise communication. It may behoove you to practice this, especially if you’re coaching autistic people!
@veroalgoz @prk @actuallyautistics @actuallyautistic
disclaimers are great, but they cannot be made for every single thing. I am a long-time autistic advocate in the wild and online. I speak daily about how we all have different experiences and how we are all unique. I post here as I let my thoughts out. I cannot preface each and every thing I write. There is an element of good faith that needs to be given to people, especially to those who are very active here in promoting neuro-affirming things.
Scientific precision is for academic studies. It is not a reasonable expectation that everyone here needs to speak with scientific precision. If that's the case, no one should speak whatsoever. As @gringene pointed out, sealioning is very problematic.
@veroalgoz @prk @actuallyautistics @actuallyautistic @gringene
understood re: precision of language. but now we are losing the point of my original post, which is people not using non precise edgy language in order to harm. i don't create a hierarchy and you're right, we shouldn't have any. i say that only because I am the daily target of bad faith comments and questions on this topic and it is exhausting. i didn't put myself in this position, so to have to clarify every single word is extremely dysregulating for me, just like it is for you. people assume that because they have a following that they are somehow responsible to all and that they can "take it". i'm an autistic adult, just like everyone else. being trolled left and right is dysregulating and i want the passive aggressive and edgy comments to stop. that's it. you are not making them, of course, but focusing on my precise language not being absolute on a post i made about the use of inprecise cobative language.
> I didn't put myself in this position
You kinda did, by creating gup.pe groups and hashtags and spamming them with your content. You're choosing to put yourself on a stage that is used for discussion about issues that are of concern to autistic people.
You are the person that I most frequently see posting in these groups; it's unusually and uncomfortably frequent. It reminds me of Mormons knocking on my door and asking to have a little chat about my opinion of Easter.
@theautisticcoach @prk @actuallyautistics
TBQH, saying
“that is implied in all statements I make. […] I cannot preface every single statement with a disclaimer. I'm sorry if that's what you need.”
and
“statements which are not clearly communicated it an NT communication form. Most autistic people do not respond well to unclear communication. It's dysregulating.“
…in the same post is PRETTY hypocritical. I’d have expected better of a communication coach.
@theautisticcoach @prk @actuallyautistics
If you know your audience responds badly to unclear communication, don’t rely on implications. Especially when people who don’t know you will not know about those. You’re also being pretty passive aggressive in a couple replies here.
Doesn’t put the things you post in a good light.
How could anyone expect to be coached well by you if you can’t even follow those recommendations yourself?
@Runoratsu @prk @actuallyautistics
I agree re: implications and thank you for pointing it out in that way.
I’m not passive-aggressive in any replies, I communicate my frustrations openly and assertively. Any reading of passive-aggressive is on the reader, not myself.
Regarding my professional work, I’m an autistic person. Not allistic. Not perfect. Nor is anyone. All the people who work with me appreciate the fact that I’m authentic and also deal with struggle openly and don’t pretend to be “cured” or that I never struggle with things or never have meltdowns or issues in life.
@theautisticcoach @prk @actuallyautistics
Maybe you don’t see it yourself. That means you should work on YOUR communication first and foremost.
1. “A well accepted thing in […] the community” This is an NT concept.
“Everyone knows”, “Why do I even have to say that”, etc.
No. That’s NOT how this works among us. This is one of the exact things that leads to so many misunderstandings.
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@theautisticcoach @prk @actuallyautistics
2. “I can’t put a disclaimer on everything” Yes you can. If something is not clear by itself, by the words contained in that posting alone, then that’s what’s missing and required. If that means not being able to communicate as much, then that’s just how it is. Clear communication is key, as you said yourself.
*Especially* if you want to act as a role model for communication (“You shouldn’t use x kind of language”).
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@theautisticcoach @prk @actuallyautistics
3. Re passive aggressiveness: “I’m glad to see I’m understood by someone”. This means, conversely, that you’re not understood by the others, because otherwise, you could’ve just written “I’m glad to see you understand me”.
And that is passive aggression. [cont…]
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@theautisticcoach @prk @actuallyautistics
[…cont] Because you’re not even considering that they might’ve understood you well, but that *you* simply didn’t understand *them*. Instead you’re attacking them (their ability to understand) in a reply not to them, but to someone else (and not in private either, but with them still in the addressees, so it’s not just lamenting over it to an outsider).
[4/4]
@theautisticcoach @prk @actuallyautistics
What I tell you is that what you say is not what other people understand. And that’s ALWAYS on the one saying it, not the ones “mis”-understanding.
Again, if you want to tell others how to communicate, first do better yourself.
@theautisticcoach @Runoratsu @actuallyautistics with all due respect, the toot that started this thread was you telling people how to communicate. Remember, “Don’t be edgy”?
So it seems a bit hypocritical to now say you “don’t tell anyone how to communicate”…
Also “entitled” Is an interesting choice of words there. That could possibly be a nice area of focus for some self reflection.
Matthew | The Autistic Coach
prk
Vero.Occam.Rigah 🏳️🌈♾️💛🖤💜⚪
David Eccles 🌻🇵🇸6x🩹🛡️
Runoratsu