Mastodawn

prk Jul 9, 2023

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistics @actuallyautistic Don’t be an absolutist. Be aware of nuance. Be aware of edge (heh) cases. Are you really sure that edgy is always passive-aggressive?

Matthew | The Autistic Coach Jul 9, 2023

@prk @actuallyautistics @actuallyautistic there is of course no such thing as an absolute. nothing is absolute and everything "depends". that doesn't mean we don't speak about things or try to see patterns. it isn't always passive-aggressive, but it usually is.

prk Jul 9, 2023

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistics @actuallyautistic That’s where it’s important to acknowledge the nuance and avoid absolutist statements. Eg “Consider if your edgy is actually passive aggressive”

Matthew | The Autistic Coach Jul 9, 2023

@prk @actuallyautistics @actuallyautistic that is implied in all statements I make. I acknowledge nuance and abhor absolutes and speak about it on a daily basis here. I cannot preface every single statement with a disclaimer. I'm sorry if that's what you need.

Again - i don't speak for all autistic people nor do all autistic people share the same experiences. everyone is unique. everyone has their own experience. there are some experiences which are more common than others, but just because you don't fit into that doesn't make it so.

Now - making edgy statements which are not clearly communicated it an NT communication form. Most autistic people do not respond well to unclear communication. It's dysregulating. No, not every statement made with snide in the effort to make oneself seem cool to others is passive-aggressive, but they usually are.

TBQH, saying

“that is implied in all statements I make. […] I cannot preface every single statement with a disclaimer. I'm sorry if that's what you need.”

and

“statements which are not clearly communicated it an NT communication form. Most autistic people do not respond well to unclear communication. It's dysregulating.“

…in the same post is PRETTY hypocritical. I’d have expected better of a communication coach.

Matthew | The Autistic Coach

@Runoratsu @prk @actuallyautistics not passive aggressive. I am sorry if that’s what someone needs, I cannot provide a disclaimer about how all autistic people are different on every toot. This is a well accepted thing in our community, just like how everyone represents their own views and doesn’t speak for all autistic people.

Maybe you don’t see it yourself. That means you should work on YOUR communication first and foremost.

1. “A well accepted thing in […] the community” This is an NT concept.
“Everyone knows”, “Why do I even have to say that”, etc.
No. That’s NOT how this works among us. This is one of the exact things that leads to so many misunderstandings.

[1/4]

2. “I can’t put a disclaimer on everything” Yes you can. If something is not clear by itself, by the words contained in that posting alone, then that’s what’s missing and required. If that means not being able to communicate as much, then that’s just how it is. Clear communication is key, as you said yourself.
*Especially* if you want to act as a role model for communication (“You shouldn’t use x kind of language”).

[2/4]

3. Re passive aggressiveness: “I’m glad to see I’m understood by someone”. This means, conversely, that you’re not understood by the others, because otherwise, you could’ve just written “I’m glad to see you understand me”.
And that is passive aggression. [cont…]

[3/4]

[…cont] Because you’re not even considering that they might’ve understood you well, but that *you* simply didn’t understand *them*. Instead you’re attacking them (their ability to understand) in a reply not to them, but to someone else (and not in private either, but with them still in the addressees, so it’s not just lamenting over it to an outsider).

[4/4]

Matthew | The Autistic Coach Jul 10, 2023

@Runoratsu @prk @actuallyautistics thanks for being direct. Your assumptions on why I say what I say is wrong. I pointed that out and you continue to tell me why I say what I say. You also continue to tell me what I have considered and haven’t, which is a stretch. You’re welcome to do it. And I’m welcome to not engage with it further. Have a great day. And that’s sincere, like everything else I’ve said.

What I tell you is that what you say is not what other people understand. And that’s ALWAYS on the one saying it, not the ones “mis”-understanding.

Again, if you want to tell others how to communicate, first do better yourself.

Matthew | The Autistic Coach Jul 10, 2023

@Runoratsu @prk @actuallyautistics I work everyday to do better. I don’t tell anyone how to communicate. People are free to think and do what they want. You’re free not to listen. It isn’t only the perfected who are entitled to a voice.