Mastodawn

Fascinated by this portion of the NY Mag story where it talks about people who don't understand "why deadnaming a trans colleague was considered 'bad'"

Because it's not their name. This isn't complicated. No one is like, "Why is it considered 'bad' that I call my colleague Bob 'Steve'?" or "Why is it bad if someone updates their last name after getting married and I keep calling them their old one?"

https://t.co/Trw0ulxWeP

Parker Molloy Jan 18, 2023

When I first read that, I thought it was referring to the 2018 policy Twitter implemented (but almost never enforced) that counted misgendering and deadnaming as forms of harassment when directed at trans people on the platform, but no, this was seriously a guy who thought he was being super edgy by asking why it's "bad" to refuse to call a trans person by their name.

Parker Molloy Jan 18, 2023

The obsession some people have with every aspect of trans people's lives is maddening. They're so angry that trans people want to be able to exist in society that they go through all these dehumanizing thought exercises that are like "Why should I have to treat this person like a human being?"

It's so gross.

flauschpolizei Jan 18, 2023

@parkermolloy Yes, it's baffling. Even if one doesn't understand being trans it's just basic courtesy to respect people's wishes regarding how they want to be addressed.

Amogus Morisette Jan 18, 2023

@parkermolloy None of them can ever articulate what their issues are beyond, "Well, if I started treating them with respect then that'd mean I respect them". But we're still supposed to pretend there's a debate.

Dan Jan 18, 2023

@parkermolloy so very maddening, and also baffling. Like where the fuck is this fixation coming from?

Parienve Jan 18, 2023

@the_dan
In some cases, it's from the mentality, "I never had that, so you shouldn't have it either." They resent someone else being their authentic self, while they themselves are still living various lies.
@parkermolloy

Adam Elman Jan 18, 2023

@parkermolloy It’s hard for some people to recognize and reject the fundamental societal transphobia they grew up with. It’s easier to react with anger than to accept that some of the shit you learned growing up was wrong, and you acted in ways that you would regret now if you took the time to reevaluate your views.

Shawn Jan 18, 2023

@parkermolloy it feeds their desire to project themselves as superior. This need is constant. Picking on people in a group is a drug for them.

eifer Jan 18, 2023

@parkermolloy It's bizarre that people struggle so much with the concept of calling people what they want to be called.

Emma Builds 🚀Jan 18, 2023

That entitlement they reveal when they do that, "how dare you define yourself when that is obviously my domain."

It's definitely part of what Kate Manne talks about in _Down, Girl_.

Freedom Jan 18, 2023

I went for a trans sleep study last night after indulging in a trans supper. Totally trans walked to the appointment and did 5.5H of monitored trans snoozing.

Now working off a trans headache with trans medicines like ibuprofen and a crap tonne of trans water.

Rev. Watt deFalk, O.C.D.Jan 19, 2023

@parkermolloy
As one born Queer & an occasional transvestite, I too find their anger nearly maddening. But hate is of course worse than a waste of time and energy; it's another of many deadly addictive drugs giving a cheap rush. I especially struggle with hate when reading of the born-again Confederacy, and of the GOP House appearing to follow Goebbels's tactic of quickly accusing your enemy of deceit before it can correctly accuse you of the same.

Rev. Watt deFalk, O.C.D.Jan 19, 2023

@parkermolloy
I've no doubt my posts will, as with
many others here, eventually land me in Camp Jesus-Trump.

Don Whiteside Jan 18, 2023

@parkermolloy My “favorite” of these was a teacher in Leesburg who opposed a draft policy that would have required them to use a student’s preferred name. Dude goes by Tanner… which is actually his legal middle name. Motherfucker, you don’t even use your OWN legal first name.

yuvipanda Jan 18, 2023

@parkermolloy I just somehow absolutely love that that bro was immediately cut :D Reminds me of all the people defending whatever it is that the billionaire decides to do

Parker Molloy Jan 18, 2023

@yuvipanda I enjoy the fact that he even mangled the Gretzky quote, writing "make" instead of "take," which, sure, while true, doesn't get the same point across.

Nege 🏴‍☠️

@parkermolloy We acknowledge spouses and in-laws as family despite no inherent biological basis for it, so if people want to use that argument then they should be harassing married people in general. (Or, they should not be harassing anyone, which seems like the better option.)

Joshua Holland Jan 18, 2023

@parkermolloy Their entire problem with "wokeness" is that they desperately want to be an asshole and express bigoted views without anyone calling them--or even thinking of them as---a bigoted asshole.

RDS (shawphd on Twitter)Jan 18, 2023

@parkermolloy @JoshuaHolland Yup. Same as when a couple of decades ago they were whining about “political correctness,” aka treating other people with respect.

Marty Jan 18, 2023

@parkermolloy This is the point I always try to make with people.

If you met someone and they told you their name was Bob, you would never look at them and tell them you'd rather call them "Steve" because they look more like a Steve to you.

Or what if you found out you'd been calling someone the wrong name for a while and they corrected you? Or they had a nickname they wanted you to use? All the same.

Some people just want to be rude to others.

Parker Molloy Jan 18, 2023

@martincrownover And a lot of it lately (I swear to god, it's only been in the past few years that people have been doing this; before then, most people were like, "okay, sure") seems to be a sort of "um, if I call you by your name, that means I am promoting being trans and I'm not," which is a weird reaction to being told what someone's name is.

Marty Jan 18, 2023

@parkermolloy Yep.

It's really ridiculous how calling someone the name they want to be called is now considered a political action by some people.

I always have the urge to start calling them by some other name/pronoun I know they won't like, just so they can understand what they are putting people through, but... that seems kind of counter-productive. 🤷

Bonnie Schwertner Jan 18, 2023

@parkermolloy When I divorced years ago, I went back to my maiden name. When I got remarried, I kept my maiden name. If those people even have problems understanding my name preference, they’re just willfully choosing to. Btw, my MAGA sister is being a b*tch to me, and addressed our Christmas card with just my husband’s last name. We’ve been married 26 years. It’s a choice to be hateful.

Elesha Jan 18, 2023

@parkermolloy the same people will also lose their shit if misgendered on accident or yell at their own mother for using their little brothers name instead of theirs when they are getting in trouble for not finishing their dinner.

Parker Molloy Jan 18, 2023

@elesha Yeah, those are the same people who will be like, "Excuse me, my dog is a girl!" If someone misgenders their pet