@MoggyBee I still think about how hard it was losing a pet as an adult. It was such a dilemma transitioning to a new one, knowing you'll have to go through it again in 10-15 years.

Seriously thought about not doing it again 'cuz it was so painful, but convinced myself that giving a good life to a couple of cats was a net positive in the world.

Still, that final chapter is so hard.

@ottaross I decided never again to force a creature into a situation of dependence on me. When you conceptualize it like that, it’s clearly not okay. The decision was very much influenced by how hard it was to lose companion animals but fundamentally comes from facing the moral reality of companion animals.

After my mom died in ‘99, I was having a lot of trouble wrapping my head around it, and the bigger questions it raised. I decided that instead of turning away from it, I would expose myself to it further. I started keeping rats knowing that they are emotionally sophisticated creatures that bond mutually with humans, and they die after three or four years. I thought that maybe if I just kept experiencing it, I would figure something out. I would understand the nature of death and with understanding would come some kind of peace or acceptance.

It didn’t work like that. I lost about a dozen rats over fifteen years or so and it didn’t get easier. Each one broke me a little more. I discovered that death is exactly what every child fears it is, no more and no less. I just hurt myself and exploited animals for no benefit except for the selfish, myopic joy I took while in intervals of denial between tragedy.

I still need animal interaction, though. I’ve been spending time with neighbourhood animals. It took me a year but there are finally a couple of squirrels who know me. It makes me so happy when they “post” when they see me, and there is a mutual spark of recognition. My little black lumps!

@mike Yeah lots of the concepts I've pondered there too. Trying to find a balance between the dependence and indoor life that pets get versus the perceived freedom of wild and feral animals.

Ultimately the questions don't have absolute answers. The lives of the copious squirrels, rabbits, birds in our yard seem to be continuous terror of predators, deprivation from scarce food/water/shelter, and nasty disease/injuries thus short lives. Nature is cruel finding a bit of peace in there is hard.