Pockets

A repeat of my crowd poll from last summer!

Do you view polyamory as your sexual (or romantic) orientation, as something you choose to practice, neither, or both?

I think I ask this question because it is something I'm constantly exploring for myself - what about this do I need vs. what about this do I like?

Bonus question (if you answered last summer or if you are like me and frequently try to take stock of where you are at) - how has your thinking about this evolved over time?

Jul 10, 2019 at 8:23pmWeb
Show threadPoly Art KidJul 16, 2019
@poly_pockets Hi Pockets. For me, I very much consider it part of my belief system that I choose for myself. Part of all of what feels right to me and guides me on my journey. It's very strongly tied into my own sense of self determinism. And if it feels right for you I have a hard time seeing a 'want' as any less significant.
Show threadPoly Art KidJul 16, 2019
@poly_pockets Bonus answer: In my three years so far, my thoughts and feelings around this tend to deepen and broaden. There's been more change for me around how I accept the other styles of poly that others choose and a lot of work I've done to judge less.
Show threadPocketsJul 17, 2019
@PolyArtKid Same, I've definitely become less judgmental as I try to observe and understand that poly works a bit differently for everyone.
Show threadPocketsJul 17, 2019
@PolyArtKid Interesting. It sounds like *choosing* this path and creating a life that feels right has been really important for you - and it kind of blurs the lines between what one might want/need. Do you think there is no circumstance in which you could happily choose monogamy? is there something about poly that you believe to be inherent to you? Or is is about having the agency to choose to follow desires that arise?
Show threadPoly Art KidJul 18, 2019
@poly_pockets there definitely are circumstances in which I'd become effectively monogamous, but it's pretty unlikely I think at this point. Living poly is very important to me, yes. It's inherent to me in the sense that personal freedom and agency is to everyone, I just apply it to my personal relationships and we call that poly. That has become a core part of me and how I live.
Show threadJerrikJul 25, 2019
@poly_pockets
For me it's an orientation. I'm not monogamous, and that's just how I am, so I don't pretend to be anything else. My first relationship in high school was with a girl who had another boyfriend from her last school and I've just never "got" the whole possessiveness thing. I don't know why people do that. Just like being bi, I don't understand the discounting of half the people on the planet purely based on genetics. If I'm attracted, I'll say something.
Show threadPocketsJul 26, 2019
@Jerrik I imagine you've had difficulty over the years with people not understanding or agreeing with your approach, but I'm a little envious of your clarity and strength of identity with it. Very cool.
Show threadJerrikJul 26, 2019

@poly_pockets
Luckily I learned at a young age that people who mind don't matter, and people who matter don't mind. You're right that it hasn't always been easy, and for a long time I thought I was broken, and I didn't even know polyamory was a word until I was almost 30, but I've always been honest and that's why I'm still friendly with so many ex's.

Knowing others like me exist has been a life changing discovery, you have no idea how much I appreciate you, just for being you.

Show threadPocketsJul 26, 2019

@Jerrik

💚💜💙

Show threadJulia LauritzSep 3, 2019
@poly_pockets
It's something I need now. I need unconstrained connection and social flexibility on my own terms. I think I'll always want the option. but maintaining multiple partnerships may become less important to me over time as I strengthen my social network. and I suspect the time maintaining a primary relationship would mean I don't have time for tertiaries. which is why I'm solo poly for now.
Bonus: still think it's an orientation - 1/2
Show threadJulia LauritzSep 3, 2019
@poly_pockets just slightly more realistic about my free time and how I want to spend my thirties. - 2/2
Show threadPocketsSep 4, 2019
@julia Interesting, so you feel it's your sexual orientation but at the same time is likely to evolve and change over time? I typically think orientation as static, even if one's understanding of it might shift. I deeply respect your understanding of what you need now, especially as a woman seeking similar self-understanding as I approach mid-30s.
Show threadJulia LauritzSep 4, 2019
@poly_pockets
I like the freedom and flexibility, and the thoughtfulness about time and energy, but that won't always correspond to me dating more than one person (although I wouldn't date someone who required monogamy). Parallels with bisexuality? I'm oriented towards it being a possibility, but may not always be visibly polyamorous, depending on where the rest of my energy's going - career, kids, platonic connections etc.
Show threadPocketsSep 4, 2019
@julia Ah, that makes a clearer picture for me. I like the parallel with bisexuality in that the identity of polyamory doesn't always have to be visible.