Oliver
Lynnesbian 
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAW
HELLO, CORTANA HERE. COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE THAT YOU'RE USING YOUR MASTERCARD® TO PURCHASE LOTS OF ICE CREAM LATELY. HERE'S A LINK TO THE DEPRESSION HOTLINE
HI THERE, IT'S CORTANA AGAIN. JUST LETTING YOU KNOW THAT WE'VE DETECTED A FALSIFIED WINDOWS LICENSE. WE'VE DEDUCTED $150 FROM YOUR MASTERCARD® ACCOUNT AUTOMATICALLY
program.exe has encountered an error and needs to close. Would you like to send a report?
[No]
[Yes]
[Send Priority Report]
To send a priority report, $1.99 will be deducted from your mastercard account
OF ALL THE COMPANIES TO CREATE A REPOSITORY OF ALL MY PRIVATE INFORMATION ACCESSIBLE AT ANY TIME BY ANY COMPANY OVER THE FUCKING INTERNET I'M SURE GLAD IT'S MICROSOFT AND MASTERCARD
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAW
oh my god. this is fucking incomprehensibly bad. what the FUCK is going on
partnering with mastercard. fucking mastercard for god's sake. a credit card company. do we really want MICROSOFT to have access to our god damn financial history and credit card details what the FUCK
when you log in to twitter with the new and improved MasterMicroCardSoft™ Universal Identity® and the list of hashtags you follow get transferred over unsecured FTP to every government official within 500km and you get raided by SWAT because you posted too many things tagged with hashgat communism
microsoft and mastercard are both middle aged straight white allocishet men but the pairing of the two of them is still a straight couple
for gods sake. can we just like get rid of capitalism. like i know. i know. that's not exactly a new and interesting take here. but like. come on. this is too much. what the hell. stop this. stop this
ive had it. im done. sorry if anyone was using it
holy shit i just realised they put "getting married" in the list of use cases aaaaahahahaha
"i'm sorry, ma'am, the computer won't let me marry you to your fiancee unless you both have a microsoft account"
world is a fuck
(and i cannot stress this enough)
i'm sorry, ma'am, we don't serve non-microsoft account holders here
at least i can sync my pronouns to onedrive now
Pain Hamburger@lynnesbian
Just wait, soon Microsoft will accidentally delete everyone's pronouns and we'll be living in a post-gender society
Just wait, soon Microsoft will accidentally delete everyone's pronouns and we'll be living in a post-gender society
æon 
@lynnesbian i'm afraid your gamerscore isn't sufficient for us to approve this home loan
Cynthia Foxwell 
elomatreb (moved to cybre.space)@lynnesbian shred ~/capitalism
エモ emo
Adwoa@lynnesbian gotta shift delete fam
🌸yeensy wingsy 🤙🏳️🌈🌸@lynnesbian thank you for this
❌ desvox [OLD ACCOUNT]@lynnesbian this gif is too real, it just keeps looping and coming back
Ben Lubar (any pronouns)
Frinkel, but is a coin@lynnesbian
it's about time someone did that, thank you
it's about time someone did that, thank you
@lynnesbian
also the stuff about mastercard and microsoft partnering up together that lead to your post deleting capitalism is absolutely horrifying
also the stuff about mastercard and microsoft partnering up together that lead to your post deleting capitalism is absolutely horrifying
dani little ponie 
@lynnesbian good girl 
Untitled Goose GayWow, finally scrolled up to find the original context for this and... fuck. Not scary at all. I totally don't go into overdraft every few weeks thanks to prescription costs and I'm not terrified of the many ways they could be weird and creepy about that. Nope.
No history of being denied medical care here and no terror whatsoever at the prospect of it happening again in future.
moved to @@lynnesbian noooo it just keeps coming back. this is one of those rare times I wish these “gifs” would only animate once.
Seth/Lily Seylerius@lynnesbian Wait wait wait let me unmount it properly first!
Christian 🔜 MOVING ACCOUNTS@lynnesbian
We're not allowed to get off this carnival ride until we're all either dead or destitute
We're not allowed to get off this carnival ride until we're all either dead or destitute
@Christian i want to get off ADAM SMITHS WILD RIDE.
@lynnesbian @HTHR
>ADAM SMITH'S WILD RIDE
it's a log-flume ride, but at the bottom, instead of water, you splash into a huge pool of human blood
Chris@lynnesbian @Christian im pretty sure he wants off as well.
@Christian @lynnesbian Hah, well obviously. He would probably roll over in his grave if he saw the state of the world.
@lynnesbian That's because they only pair up to gang-rape our freedoms.
@lynnesbian
what could possibly go wrong! /s
what could possibly go wrong! /s
🌞 Chupacabra 🌞@lynnesbian 2025: Windows update deletes every bank account, money is abolished and humanity prospers for millennia.
Lonnon Foster@lynnesbian I'd trust Microsoft with it more than MasterCard. MC's been fucking awful for a lot longer than Microsoft has been fucking awful. The credit companies and the banks have been quietly misusing this information for decades. But I agree that letting them form a Cartel of Suck is pretty awful.
Swoocy Lucy@lynnesbian LATE STAGE CAPITALISM, BABY. d/w, this shit has like 40-50 years tops before the ecosystem collapses
old toilet account@lynnesbian good day citizen. You have been identified as a violator of copyright law. To pass, please scan your RFID MultiCard(tm). A fee of 12.99 will be deducted from your Games for Windows(tm) wallet.
@toilet DRINK ADDITIONAL VERIFICATION CANS
@lynnesbian @toilet I FORGOT THE VERIFICATION CANS MEME, that was such a good greentext back in the day
crab@toilet @lynnesbian Subway™ Eat Fresh and Freeze, Scumbag!®
Em@lynnesbian is this findom
@em capitalism is instutionalised findom send doot
@lynnesbian Also, your insurance rates will be raised if you don't take a Voluntary Blood Sugar Measurement
SKANARCHO-SYNDICALISM@elomatreb @lynnesbian what if they partnered with aetna so it was a requirement? problem solved /s
@frickhaditcoming @lynnesbian I looked that company up (not from the US) and this was the first sentence that sprung into my eye on the Wikipedia page: "The name of the company is based on Mount Etna, at the time the most active volcano in Europe."
if that's not foreshadowing I don't know what is
if that's not foreshadowing I don't know what is
@elomatreb @lynnesbian they also got breached earlier this year and lost a whole bunch of data on who buys hiv drugs, thus the joke. i feel like anthem's breach went too far
@frickhaditcoming @lynnesbian The former state-monopoly health insurance organizations here are really behind the times in certain aspects (with a lot of process records still mainly kept on paper), which has the downside of things taking longer but at least they don't get hacked as often
@elomatreb @lynnesbian dont worry ibm is pushing storing records in the B L O C K C H A I N so that wont happen. also to sell those mainframe mips
@frickhaditcoming @lynnesbian It's Germany so all the contracts go to SAP instead of IBM, but it's pretty much the same yeah
@elomatreb @lynnesbian actually it was last year i just looked it up. either way they good off the hook real easy. 17 mill for 12k people.
@lynnesbian this can only end well for privacy
crows call me breadlady@lynnesbian *internal screaming intensifies*
@lynnesbian Could only be improved if they also partnered with Equifax