Lynnesbian 
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAW
HELLO, CORTANA HERE. COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE THAT YOU'RE USING YOUR MASTERCARD® TO PURCHASE LOTS OF ICE CREAM LATELY. HERE'S A LINK TO THE DEPRESSION HOTLINE
HI THERE, IT'S CORTANA AGAIN. JUST LETTING YOU KNOW THAT WE'VE DETECTED A FALSIFIED WINDOWS LICENSE. WE'VE DEDUCTED $150 FROM YOUR MASTERCARD® ACCOUNT AUTOMATICALLY
program.exe has encountered an error and needs to close. Would you like to send a report?
[No]
[Yes]
[Send Priority Report]
To send a priority report, $1.99 will be deducted from your mastercard account
OF ALL THE COMPANIES TO CREATE A REPOSITORY OF ALL MY PRIVATE INFORMATION ACCESSIBLE AT ANY TIME BY ANY COMPANY OVER THE FUCKING INTERNET I'M SURE GLAD IT'S MICROSOFT AND MASTERCARD
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAW
oh my god. this is fucking incomprehensibly bad. what the FUCK is going on
partnering with mastercard. fucking mastercard for god's sake. a credit card company. do we really want MICROSOFT to have access to our god damn financial history and credit card details what the FUCK
when you log in to twitter with the new and improved MasterMicroCardSoft™ Universal Identity® and the list of hashtags you follow get transferred over unsecured FTP to every government official within 500km and you get raided by SWAT because you posted too many things tagged with hashgat communism
microsoft and mastercard are both middle aged straight white allocishet men but the pairing of the two of them is still a straight couple
for gods sake. can we just like get rid of capitalism. like i know. i know. that's not exactly a new and interesting take here. but like. come on. this is too much. what the hell. stop this. stop this
ive had it. im done. sorry if anyone was using it
holy shit i just realised they put "getting married" in the list of use cases aaaaahahahaha
"i'm sorry, ma'am, the computer won't let me marry you to your fiancee unless you both have a microsoft account"
world is a fuck
yee
(and i cannot stress this enough)
i'm sorry, ma'am, we don't serve non-microsoft account holders here
at least i can sync my pronouns to onedrive now
Pain Hamburger@lynnesbian
Just wait, soon Microsoft will accidentally delete everyone's pronouns and we'll be living in a post-gender society
Just wait, soon Microsoft will accidentally delete everyone's pronouns and we'll be living in a post-gender society
æon 
@lynnesbian i'm afraid your gamerscore isn't sufficient for us to approve this home loan
Cynthia Foxwell 