To every guy who came into the comments on my Gisele Pelicot article to yell “not all men” at me and demand I give due deference to the good guys… It’s time to be quiet.

An investigation uncovered more than 70,000 users in Telegram group chats admitting to raping women and sharing tips on how to sedate them.

This investigation came out right after the verdict in the landmark Gisele Pelicot mass rape trial - which saw her ex husband sentenced to 20 years in prison and another 50 men found guilty of sexual assault.

Gisele was drugged by her husband for over a decade - and assaulted by at least 80 men.

Since writing about her case and why shame must change sides - I’ve endured a slew of abuse that ranges from “not all men” rallying cries to men telling me that I would be happier if I adopted more traditional values - and everything in between.

I’ve been called every slur you can think of.

I’ve been told that if I were more appreciative of men I wouldn’t be so “angry”. I’ve been labeled a misandrist and accused of not being supportive enough of the opposite sex.

I’ve been informed that it’s a woman’s job to prevent assault - and that she needs to take that job more seriously.

We take it very seriously. We can’t stop you from raping us.

If we could - there would be no more rape.

We’ve fought for decades against the patriarchal, misogynistic rape culture that leads to so much suffering and abuse … we need YOU to fight now.

There’s a certain perverseness in demanding a victim show more respect for the opposite sex while you show her absolutely no respect at all.

These men are so busy trying to make sure the internet knows they’re “good men” that they can’t even see how horrifically they’re behaving.

Or maybe they can see - and they simply don’t care.

I genuinely don’t know anymore. All I know is that no matter how many times I explain that while it’s not all men - I can’t know which men it is - the message is not sinking in.

It NEEDS to sink in.

Rape is not some rare event that is carried out by a stranger who was hiding in the bushes … it’s almost always someone we know.

As the article linked above proves - men will go to great lengths to sedate their partners, wives, girlfriends etc just so they can harm them.

They’re hiding drugs in hair products. They’re swapping tips on the internet. They’re inviting other men over to harm the women who’ve trusted them with their safety.

This is a huge fucking problem. It’s not an anomaly. It’s not something to be swept under the rug.

We won’t be silent anymore.

We are going to keep being loud. We will keep calling this behaviour out wherever we see it

Rape culture thrives in the dark. Abusers count on the shame their victims will feel as a way to keep them quiet.

Gisele Pelicot has encouraged all victims to speak up. It is not our shame - it’s theirs.

Please join us. Demand better of your fellow man. Loudly condemn these despicable acts.

Show us that you’re one of the good guys by being a true ally - not by yelling over us on the internet.

Listen. Pay attention. Speak up if you see someone being harmed.

We won’t go gently. It’s time for change.

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/world-news/2024/12/19/telegram-rape-chat-groups-germany-investigation-70000-world/

My article on Gisele Pelicot, medical misogyny & why disabled people face increased risk: https://www.disabledginger.com/p/gisele-pelicot-medical-misogyny-and

#mercigisele #giselepelicot
#sexualassault #rape #abuse #misogyny #patriarchy #fuckthepatriarchy #shamemustchangesides #womensrights

Gisele Pelicot’s trial has rocked the world and served as a powerful example of why “not all men” can ring hollow.

Today - her former husband was sentenced to 20 years in prison and the 50 other men charged alongside him were ALL found guilty.

Shame HAS changed sides.

For more on Gisele Pelicot, “not all men” and the role medical misogyny played in her abuse - my full article is below.

Many people don’t know that she sought medical help - and was led to believe she had Alzheimer’s by her husband AND doctors:

https://www.disabledginger.com/p/gisele-pelicot-medical-misogyny-and

#giselepelicot #shamemustchangesides #metoo #abuse #rape #NotAllMenbuttoomanymen #patriarchy #misogyny #medicalmisogyny

The verdicts are expected tomorrow in the Gisele Pelicot trial - a horrific case which has shaken most of us to our core.

Its served as a painful reminder of how much damage misogyny, patriarchy and rape culture can do.

The case is a stunning example of why “not all men” rings hollow and why women are angry, fed up and scared.

Gisele was betrayed by those she trusted the most. Her husband of fifty years spent a decade drugging her and inviting men to their home to rape her while she was unconscious.

There's certainly no lack of villains in this story. From the 80+ men who assaulted her, to the husband and his disgusting betrayal, to the unknown number of men who declined to assault her but also neglected to get her help.

My article focuses on a piece of the story that hasn't received as much attention as I feel it deserves - the role her medical team played in what happened to her.

The way in which medical misogyny can and does harm us and the various ways in which disabled individuals are at increased risk.

We should all be outraged at what happened to Gisele - and what happens to many women every single day. Shame must change sides.

I hope tomorrow's verdict sees justice done - but if it doesn't - I ask everyone to raise their voice in opposition and ensure that the world knows we will not be silent any longer.

Abuse thrives in the dark... let's be committed to bringing it into the light and forcing those who harm others to take responsibility for their actions once and for all.

https://www.disabledginger.com/p/gisele-pelicot-medical-misogyny-and

#abuse #rape #misogyny #medicalmisogyny #notallmenbutenoughofthem #notallmen #metoo #GiselePelicot #shamemustchangesides #patriarchy #fuckthepatriarchy #disabilityrights #disabilityjustice

Growing up - I was taught that I had to protect myself to ensure I wasn’t assaulted by a man.

Lessons included:

- Guard your drink at all times

- Don’t walk alone at night

- Don’t dress provocatively

- Don’t call attention to yourself

- Don’t wear too much makeup

- Hold your keys between your knuckles if walking alone

- Don’t listen to music/have headphones in when walking alone

- Don’t get too drunk

- Don’t be alone with the ‘wrong man’ (how are we supposed to know who that is?’

- Don’t encourage bad behaviour

And perhaps the worst of all…

DON’T LEAD MEN ON.

Can we stop this please? It’s 2024… we aren’t responsible for men assaulting women. It’s not our job to ensure we aren’t ‘sending the wrong signals’. No woman sends a signal saying she WANTS to be raped. It just doesn’t happen.

If I failed to do everything listed above and was assaulted - it’s still not my fault. It’s the fault of the man who assaulted me. Full stop. Please read that again if you don’t understand.

We spend so much time teaching women how to protect themselves from rape - and almost no time teaching men NOT to rape.

It needs to change - and I’m going to keep speaking out until women are safe. Note that I didn’t say until women FEEL safe - because this isn’t about feelings. We ARE NOT safe.

To be perfectly clear - there’s nothing wrong with having situational awareness or knowing self defence. The problem is the expectation that women be the ones to prevent their own rape.

Moreover - even if you do everything on that list - it still doesn’t guarantee you won’t be harmed.

One need not look further than the horrifying case of Gisele Pelicot - who’s husband of FIFTY YEARS - who she believed was a “good man” - spent a decade drugging her and inviting men to their home to rape her while she was unconscious.

No amount of dressing down, lack of makeup or situational awareness woild have prevented that. 80+ men chose to rape her - likely because they didn’t think they would ever get caught.

It’s time to say enough is enough. Stop putting the shame and the blame on victims and start blaming the perpetrators.

As Gisele said: “Shame must change sides.”

#rape #misogyny #shamemustchangesides
#giselepelicot #patriarchy #rapeculture #believewomen #metoo #NotAllMen #fuckthepatriarchy

I was recently called a misandrist for the first time in my life. Why? Because I told a man that men needed to “behave better”. He screamed “not all men!” At me and then demanded I show more deference and acknowledgement that there are “good guys out there”.

This was someone I considered a friend - so I tried to explain that of course there are good guys - but we don’t know who they are. We have to approach EVERY man with caution because of the constant threat of rape and abuse.

I explained that’s why we say men have privilege - because they don’t have to move through life with that constant threat. They don’t have to be on guard ALL the time. They aren’t judged by what they wear, how many kids they have, how much they drink or how late they were out at night.

He proceeded to school me that he in fact experienced No benefit from being a man. He genuinely could not comprehend that I wasn’t saying he didn’t work hard or earn whatever he had - just that it would have been HARDER had he been a woman or marginalized in another way.

Nope. I was told I hate men and that we could no longer be friends.

guys - please don’t do this. I kept my cool and tried to gently explain where I was coming from only to get berated and repeatedly told that if I didn’t do exactly as he wanted - the friendship would be cut off.

This dude proved my point and couldn’t even see it.

We KNOW it’s not all men - but it’s too many men. And we DON’T know who the safe ones are.

I’m debating writing an article about this - especially considering disabled women are far more likely to experience abuse. I’m just not sure it “fits” with Disabled Ginger. Though reproductive health is certainly something I will be diving in to.

Thoughts? Is it too far removed from my normal topics?

#giselepelicot #notallmen #toomanymen #metoo #rape #abuse #misogyny #patriarchy #fuckthepatriarchy #shamemustchangesides #discrimination #womensrights #womenshealth #believewoman

If you don’t understand WHY Gisele Pelicot is doing what she’s doing - or WHY rape victims feel shame - consider the following:

When women report assault they’re often asked:

What were you wearing?
Were you drinking?
Did you encourage him?

When we speak out about misogyny, patriarchy, abuse etc .. we have to endure a chorus of men yelling “not all men!” at us.

We KNOW it’s “not all men”.

You know what else we know? It’s far TOO many men.

We also understand that we don’t KNOW who the good ones are.

It was Gisele’s husband who drugged her and solicited men to assault her. They had been married for decades. Had children & grandchildren. She planned to live the rest of her days with him.

If you asked her - I’m sure she would have said he was a “good man”.

Therein lies the problem. More often than not - you don’t know until you know. Until they harm you.

And that is why we aren’t safe. Its why we’re angry. It’s why we’re sick of “not all men”.

On a personal note - I’ve had men lash out at me for being outspoken on this topic. They’ve demanded I make more of a point to acknowledge the “good men”.

They call me names and withhold friendship and support. They (ironically) end up proving my point.

When you yell “not all men” at us - or demand we show more reverence to the “good men”… you’re not behaving like an ally. You’re not being a “good man”.

You don’t get a gold star for simply NOT assaulting women. That can’t be the bar anymore.

Consider the men who were approached to participate in Gisele’s assault and declined.

I bet you they think of themselves as “good men.” They were frequenting a website that focused on violating women without their consent.

But they said “No”. They chose NOT to assault Gisele. So they want their gold star.

They didn’t stop the abuse. They didn’t go to the police or Gisele. They didn’t condemn her husband’s behaviour. They didn’t state loudly that it was wrong.

They sat quietly by & did NOTHING.

This isn’t good enough anymore - it never should have been good enough.

Men - we NEED your voices. If you’re horrified by this case - speak up. If you know a victim of sexual assault - support her.

If someone confides in you - don’t immediately look for ways to blame them. Support them and condemn the behaviour.

Raise boys to know this behaviour is wrong AND instil in them the courage and knowledge needed to be willing to speak out.

Their buddies make rape jokes? Tell them it’s not funny.

Cat call a woman? Tell them to stop it.

Brag about their “conquests”? Tell them it’s wrong and you won’t listen to it.

These are just a small handful of examples. The sad reality is there are so many ways we reinforce patriarchal misogynistic attitudes from a young age - that it will take a concerted effort to change things

Gisele has taken a brave and powerful step - and we should join her.

Lastly - some of the accused men are trying to blame Gisele. They’re saying she knew and was a co conspirator with her husband.

They literally met him on a website about violating women WITHOUT their consent.

I feel sick but not surprised that they’re taking this approach.

Let’s all agree we won’t be silent any longer. We won’t allow ourselves to be shamed and blamed for the behaviour of others. We won’t be bullied into silence.

We will speak up together in support of Gisele and ALL victims - and we will hold men accountable.

More here: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/ckgr2yym0nko

#giselepelicot #notallmen #toomanymen #metoo #rape #abuse #misogyny #patriarchy #fuckthepatriarchy #shamemustchangesides #discrimination #womensrights #womenshealth #believewoman

The Gisele Pelicot trial is well underway and I remain stunned by how few men I see speaking out about it.

We NEED you to condemn this behaviour. To hold your fellow men responsible.

Too many men participated in these atrocities and what’s galling is of the men who declined … no one sought help.

Not one of them went to the police - or even to Gisele herself - to let them know a woman was being repeatedly drugged, raped and assaulted and her HUSBAND was arranging it.

They did nothing. They declined to actively participate and then patted themselves on the back for being “good men”.

Newsflash - “good men” would have sounded the alarm. They wouldn’t have expected a gold star for simply NOT raping an unconscious woman.

I’m horrified whenever I read about it - but I keep talking about it so men realize WHY we’re angry. WHY we’re demanding they speak out.

Now is not the time to shout “not all men” and demand we give you a gold star for not being abusive.

Now’s the time to say LOUDLY that you condemn this behaviour and that you will hold the men in your lives to a higher standard.

Shame must change sides.

#believewomen #rape #misogyny #patriarchy #fuckthepatriarchy #giselepelicot #shamemustchangesides #notallmen #toomanymen #metoo #abuse #gaslighting