Chinyere Okoli-AzzalarabDid He Lie, or Was I Just Creative Writing?
Hey guys, it’s Tina. Grab a glass of wine—or a very large coffee, depending on what kind of day your heart is having.
I recently stumbled across a quote that hit me like a cold splash of water to the face. It asked: “Did he lie to you about who he was? Or did you lie to yourself about who he was?”
Ouch. I felt that in my soul. And by “felt it,” I mean I immediately wanted to delete my browser history, throw my phone in the ocean, and move to a remote village where the only male interaction I have is with a very confused goat.
The Unpaid Intern of Character Development
We’ve all been there, right? You meet someone, and suddenly you aren’t just seeing a guy; you’re seeing a Project. You’re seeing Potential. You’re basically an unpaid intern for his character development.
Winning the Oscar for Best Screenplay
When I look back at some of my “What was I thinking?” phases, I realize I should have won an Oscar for Best Screenplay.
- He wasn’t “unemployed and living in his mom’s basement at 34″—no, no. In the movie playing in my head, he was an “independent philosopher-king taking a sabbatical to find his true purpose.”
- He wasn’t “avoiding my texts for three days.” He was “battling the demons of his past in a silent retreat of the soul.”
The truth is, sometimes people don’t actually lie to us. They show up exactly as they are—messy, inconsistent, and maybe a little bit allergic to commitment—and we just decide to put a high-contrast Instagram filter over them.
The Personality Transplant Delusion
We see the version of them that could exist if they just listened to our advice, read the books we recommended, and, you know, underwent a complete personality transplant. I think we lie to ourselves because the truth is often… well, boring. Or worse, it’s disappointing.
Diamonds in the Rough vs. Regular Rocks
It’s much more fun to believe you’ve found a “diamond in the rough” than to admit you’ve found a regular rock that just happens to be shaped like a heart if you squint really hard and turn your head 45 degrees to the left.
We want to be the “one” who finally understands him. We want to be the Muse. But ladies, let me tell you from experience: Being a Muse is exhausting. I’d much rather be the woman who gets a text back within a reasonable business hour.
When the “Lie” Falls Apart
The “Lie” usually falls apart when the gap between who they are and who you need them to be becomes too wide to ignore.
It’s that moment when he does that one specific thing for the 50th time—the thing you’ve been “interpreting” as a misunderstanding—and you realize: Oh. He’s not misunderstood. He’s just… like this.
It’s a hard pill to swallow. It means admitting that the person you fell for was actually a character you co-authored. You gave him the best lines, the best intentions, and the benefit of every single doubt.
Stop Hugging the Cactus
So, was he a liar? Maybe. Some guys are definitely out here playing 4D chess with people’s emotions. But more often than not, the biggest lie was the one I told myself every morning while I made excuses for him.
The lesson? Start believing people the first time they show you who they are.
- If he shows you he’s a cactus, stop hugging him and wondering why you’re bleeding.
- He’s just being a cactus! It’s what they do!
Trading Rose-Colored Glasses for 20/20 Vision
I’m learning to trade in my rose-colored glasses for a pair of high-definition, 20/20 vision spectacles. They’re less “romantic,” sure, but I’m bumping into a lot fewer red flags along the way.
Have you ever been the “Screenwriter” of your own heartbreak? Tell me I’m not the only one who has tried to “Potential-ize” a man into a prince! Drop your stories in the comments.
#bloganuary #dailyprompt #datingPotential #datingReality #emotionalIntelligence #financialliteracy #honestRelationships #LettingGo #personalGrowth #relationshipAdviceForWomen #relationshipRedFlags #selfDeceptionInLove #toxicRelationships #Wordpress
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