Simbie YauThe recent news of Ngozi Fulani’s (CEO and Founder of Sistah Space) treatment at Buckingham Palace has opened up more conversation about simply asking “Where are you ‘really’ from?”.
Why does this question matter?
There is nothing wrong with asking about where you lived or where you grew up, these are normal questions for making connections with people. However, the follow-up question “Where are you ‘really’ from?”, or “You look/sound like you are from X or Y”, trying to satisfy their own assumptions leads to more uncomfortable conversations.
I grew up in the UK and lived in Europe, South East Asia, and Asia. From experience, this question follows you around wherever you go. When I provide a simple answer, “I grew up in the UK”, it never quite satisfies their curiosity according to their own biased judgement. From those who ask, I don’t stereotypically look like someone who should identify as that. They probe further and push me in a position to convince new acquaintances that that’s where I am REALLY from. After numerous microaggressive conversations of the same questions, it gets very exhaustive.
These intrusive questions are often excused as being curious and framed without malicious intent. It can be triggering as it undermines your identity, making you justify your identity, distorting your sense of belonging and making you feel alienated. These unwelcomed conversations have real undertones of racism, anti-minority and anti-immigration, these judgements about someone’s race, ethnicity and nationality can be harmful to the recipient.
The only way we can eliminate unconscious biases is to listen carefully when someone speaks and make meaningful connections. We need to stop profiling someone’s identity based on our own biased judgements. We are all different, no one should be measured and placed neatly in a box!
#WhereAreYouFrom #WhereAreYouReallyFrom
#MicroAggression #StopAsianHate #Identity #NgoziFulani
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