Why My Libido is Currently in Witness Protection

Hey guys, it’s Tina. Grab a glass of wine (or a green juice, if you’re still pretending your New Year’s resolution is alive), because we need to have a real, unfiltered heart-to-heart.

I was scrolling through my phone the other day, thinking about maybe—just maybe—dipping my toe back into the dating pool. But then I paused. I looked at the digital landscape of “U up?” texts and blurry gym selfies, and a cold shiver went down my spine. Honestly? I’m terrified.

The Terrifying Landscape of Modern Dating

I’ve officially reached the stage of life where my fear of a random STI is significantly stronger than my desire to get laid. Is it just me, or does it feel like the world is a literal petri dish right now?

I’m at the point where I look at a cute guy at a coffee shop and instead of wondering what his favorite book is, my brain goes: “I bet he has something incurable.” It’s a tragedy, really. My inner romantic has been replaced by a paranoid health inspector with a clipboard.

When the Inner Romantic Becomes a Health Inspector

I feel like every time I think about meeting someone new, my brain flashes a giant neon sign that says: “REMEMBER: AIDS AND HERPES STILL EXIST.” And look, I know that sounds dramatic. I know we have modern medicine and protection. But in a world where people can’t even be bothered to return a Tupperware container, am I really supposed to trust a stranger with my literal biological well-being?

The Nostalgia for Simpler Hookups

Remember back in the day when the most awkward part of a hookup was deciding whose playlist to listen to? Now, I feel like I need a notarized blood panel, a background check, and a letter of recommendation from their primary care physician before I even consider taking off my socks.

It’s hard out here! You want to be spontaneous. You want to have that “main character” moment where you meet a stranger and sparks fly. But then the “rational Tina” kicks in and reminds me that sparks can also be a symptom of a localized inflammatory response.

Finding Sanctuary in Safety

So, for now? I am happily retired from the streets. My bed is a “Sanctuary of Safety.” If you want to get close to me, you basically need the security clearance of a White House official.

I’ve realized a few things during this hiatus:

Waiting for the “Verified Healthy” Badge

I know I’m being a bit of a hypochondriac, but can you blame me? The dating apps feel like a game of Russian Roulette where the prize is a trip to the clinic. I’m just waiting for the day when Tinder integrates with MyChart so I can see a “Verified Healthy” badge next to someone’s height. Until then, I’ll be right here, safe, sound, and probably overthinking everything.

Am I the only one feeling this way, or are we all just collectively terrified of each other’s germs now? Drop a comment and let me know I’m not crazy. Or, if you’ve actually found a way to date without feeling like you’re walking into a biohazard zone, please—share your secrets with the class.

Stay safe (literally),

Tina

Looking at the most used hookup sites daily, little has changed. This is my take on those sites.
https://medium.com/prismnpen/what-gay-men-liked-and-wanted-in-2023-according-to-grindr-9bb2fe7deba4?sk=b7078382f8bb33f4ba432491bf364a9c

#LGBTQ #Grindr #Gay #Sex #HookupCulture

Celibate
Reclaiming power
Dismissing hookup culture
Movement of Gen Z women
Choice?

#genz #celibacy #hookupculture #empowerment #cinquain #poetry

https://www.insider.com/gen-z-women-abstaining-sex-celibacy-dating-hook-up-culture-2023-4