#suicidalawareness #KeepItGoing #dontgetnumb

10/10
Now you know why I'm sometimes sad, and nothing can prevent. It hits me, just like that, and I'll never forget. She was the one who made me realize that I'm attracted to girls. Even if it's more than 35 years ago, still, every heartbeat without her hurts like hell.

Sabine B.
1977 - 1985

#suicidalawareness #KeepItGoing #dontgetnumb

9/10
The following weeks, I tried to join her in heaven; three times I tried, all attempts failed. At the last, I thought I made it, but I was greeted with the most colorful sunrise I ever witnessed. It was the moment I realized that it won't make any sense to kill myself, that won't bring her back to life. I had to stay here on earth until my time has come, to keep her memory, and tell everyone I met about her.

#suicidalawareness #KeepItGoing #dontgetnumb

8/10
The girl waited at that Saturday for me, I wasn't there. Even on Sunday, but there was no me. At Monday morning, her mom found her dead in her room.
I also learned that the-man-who-made-me was the real reason for this, because on Saturday, he went to her mom (they worked for the same company), and told her, that I won't come; he would never let me go.

#suicidalawareness #KeepItGoing #dontgetnumb

7/10
I wasn't able to see that girl for months, and I really tried hard. Only at school's summer holidays I made it.
I knew where her mom was working, so searched there first. The woman I talked to knew what I was searching for, but she won't tell me a thing. But I overheard her talking to a policeman who caught me running away from home again, and it was pure horror.

#suicidalawareness #KeepItGoing #dontgetnumb

6/10
Time flies, and we finally had to seperate. It was a mess, we won't let go of each other. But we had to, and promised to visit the next day. She wasn't living far away, that shouldn't be a problem. But it was, a huge one. Because, the-man-who-made-me had married his girlfriend in the meantime, and I should be happy about it. But me wasn't, and everything started again as before.

#suicidalawareness #KeepItGoing #dontgetnumb

5/10
The most beautiful human being me eyes ever caught was standing in the aisle between the seats. Shivering, freezing. So, I tapped the seat next to me, and said, "Come here, it's warm." Surprisingly, she did. I gave her my jacket like a blanket, she sighed, and leaned on me. From that moment on, for 10 weeks, we were one. We literally shared everything, we never seperated, not a single minute.

#suicidalawareness #KeepItGoing #dontgetnumb

4/10
Lucky me; because of that, I could be 10 weeks away from home. No beating, no yelling at me — what a relief. And at the bus ride on the way to the "hospital", something for me completely unexpected happened: I found myself. Well, that's not quite right — I've found someone else.
It was winter, damn cold, at a rest, all kids left the bus to pee. Not me, to cold; I stayed aboard. The door opened and closed. Some steps towards me, there she was.

#suicidalawareness #KeepItGoing #dontgetnumb

3/10
But after some weeks, even the police didn't care anymore; so, they stopped searching for me. I skipped school, my grades dropped, but only one teacher cared because me was "pulling the average results down." Since I've eaten barely anything, I'd become even more weak, and finally, my parents send me to a doctor. But she only diagnosed a malfunction in growth spurt, and send me to a cure.

#suicidalawareness #KeepItGoing #dontgetnumb

2/10
"The-man-who-made-me" (I can't call him a father because he wasn't behaving like one) and his girlfriend were on top of their careers, me was down at the bottom.
They thought that I should be happy for them, but they weren't happy for me. So, why should I? As a result, they started to beat me up; a lot, and often. I run away from home; a lot, and often. As you can imagine, that didn't went well.

#suicidalawareness #KeepItGoing #dontgetnumb

1/10
I know it's not "the right time" of the year, but anyway. I had a bad dream tonight, and I woke up very sad. Don't worry, Im not endangered, it's long ago. But it's not over, it never will be.
Here's the story.

Early in my life, I wasn't the girl I am today. I was weak, a lump of a human being. I couldn't tell why, but I was wrong somehow, that's what I thought at least. And that's what my so called "parents" let feel me.