Respect For Friend Drops After Reading Book They Recommended
EDMOND, OK—Saying she was now forced to totally reassess a person she had once held in the highest esteem, local woman Sara Vogler confirmed Monday that her respect for longtime friend Darci Strouse had plummeted after reading a book Strouse enthusiastically recommended. “She said she’s read this fucking book a dozen times and that it had a huge influence on who she is […]
> Alaska Airlines Prepares Pivot to Dog Sledding Just in Case Whole Airline Industry Thing Doesn’t Work Out https://theneedling.com/2026/04/24/alaska-airlines-prepares-pivot-to-dog-sledding-if-whole-airline-industry-thing-doesnt-work-out/
FTA: "At press time, Southwest was reportedly also looking into a pivot to a rebooted Pony Express."
#BarelySatire #FlyingCattleCars #BadEconomy #BigOil #travel
Alaska Airlines Prepares Pivot to Dog Sledding Just in Case Whole Airline Industry Thing Doesn’t Work Out
After reckoning with the unsustainability of keeping an airline financially afloat if jet fuel prices keep skyrocketing with no end in sight, today sources confirmed Alaska Airlines is preparing to…
> Regretful Conservative Wakes Up To Find He Drunkenly Got Nazi Tattoo Removed https://theonion.com/regretful-conservative-wakes-up-to-find-he-drunkenly-got-nazi-tattoo-removed/
FTA: "At press time, a horrified Hanlon is said to have discovered that, sometime the previous night, he had gotten the “Coexist” symbol tattooed on his lower back."
#BarelySatire #RWNJs #tattoos
Regretful Conservative Wakes Up To Find He Drunkenly Got Nazi Tattoo Removed
COEUR D’ALENE, ID—Wincing from a pounding headache and hazy memories of debauchery, regretful conservative Nate Hanlon reportedly woke up Wednesday morning to find that he had drunkenly gotten a neo-Nazi tattoo removed. “Shit, shit, shit—there’s no way I can go outside looking like this,” said a hungover Hanlon, groaning as he stumbled into his closet […]
Trump Warns Iran To Accept His Ultimatum Or Face Wrath Of Next Ultimatum
WASHINGTON—Threatening to continue issuing threats if the Islamic Republic did not quickly agree to his demands, President Donald Trump warned Iran on Monday to accept his ultimatum or face the wrath of his next ultimatum. “Lay down your weapons now or I will have no choice but to ask you to lay down your weapons […]
Insecure, Frustrated Bully With Something To Prove Considering Career In Law Enforcement
RALEIGH, NC—Calling it his lifelong dream, local man Brendan Lockhart, an insecure and perpetually frustrated bully who believes he has something to prove to the world, told reporters Thursday that he is seriously considering a career in law enforcement.
Florida Bill To Ban First Cousin Marriage Fails To Pass
A bill to ban marriage between first cousins failed to pass in the Florida Senate, allowing the state to remain one of more than a dozen in the U.S. where marrying one’s first cousin is legal. What do you think?
Mom-And-Pop Loan Sharks Being Driven Out By Big Credit-Card Companies
PHILADELPHIA–Frankie "The Gorilla" Pistone leans wistfully on his bat. Then, without warning, he picks it up, swinging it furiously toward his deadbeat client’s leg. Just before the Louisville Slugger makes contact with the man’s kneecap, he pulls back, as only a real pro can, leaving the $250-in-the-hole man gasping in fear and relief. "Just get it to me by tomorrow, because next time, I ain’t gonna let up," Pistone says.
A. Rivera
That Dud Bloke