As Fuel Crisis Worsens, TSA Begins Allowing Americans to Bring Gasoline With Them on Flights [OC]

https://ttrpg.network/post/34691225

As Fuel Crisis Worsens, TSA Begins Allowing Americans to Bring Gasoline With Them on Flights [OC] - The TTRPG network

(Atlanta, GA) A gas prices top $5/gallon in Washington DC, Americans are feeling the price at the pump. Voters on both sides are showing strong displeasure with how the administration is handling price increases, as attempts to lower prices - by releasing reserve or allowing Iranian oil shipments - aren’t helping. On Friday, the White House announced a new plan to ease the pressure, saying the TSA would begin allowing Americans to bring up to 5 gallons of gasoline with them on the plane, as part of their personal item allotment. “Americans can rest assured the president is working hard to defend America from high prices and Democrat fake news,” said press secretary Karoline Leavitt. “Starting Monday, you can shop around anywhere, and fly your gas home with you.” Not everyone is excited about the plan. Delta released a statement shortly after the announcement, saying “we are reviewing the president’s comments closely, but cannot confirm this meets the requirements of safety mandated by the FAA.” In private, they were much more candid, saying “these [expletive] can’t buckle a seatbelt, and you give them gas? I bet right now he’s firing everyone at the FAA who tells him this is a bad idea. Screw this. Screw all of this, I’m getting on the next non-flaming flight to Canada.” Other airline echo the sentiments, both public and private. Surprisingly, TSA workers seem comfortable with the change. “I haven’t been paid in 3 weeks,” said one worker who asked not to be named for fear of reprisals. “Sure, bring your gas. Last week I got a whole bottle of shampoo that was confiscated, maybe we can fill our tanks when people try to sneak in extra. I tried to get a barrista job last week, but a Department of Education lady got it first. Things are bad, so why not put a little fuel on the fire, so to speak.” Some Americans also seem excited about the change. Leo Sturbgetter, a cow detangler in New Hampsire, said: “it’s 55 gallons to fill my work truck, so every penny helps. If I can fly home cheaper gas, sure, the plane may smell a little bit, but it’s worth it.”

... for a second I thought this was #TheOnion.
According to a Zogby poll released this week, 96 percent of rock groups across the nation are… #TheOnion https://twp.ai/E6HyZt
The Onion

According to a Zogby poll released this week, 96 percent of rock groups across the nation are currently in search of a slightly better drummer. “Nearly all bands surveyed indicated that, while their...

Tumblr
NCAA Expands March Madness To Include 4,096 Teams #TheOnion https://twp.ai/E6HyRL
NCAA Expands March Madness To Include 4,096 Teams

NCAA Expands March Madness To Include 4,096 Teams

Tumblr
Will you stand with the free press now that we’ve made it a bit cheaper? Get this limited-time… #TheOnion https://twp.ai/E6HzPp
Will you stand with the free press now that we’ve made it a bit cheaper? Get this limited-time discount here.

Will you stand with the free press now that we’ve made it a bit cheaper? Get this limited-time discount here.

Tumblr
Saying that entries would be accepted from the public until the April 4 due date, officials from the… #TheOnion https://twp.ai/E6HzHm
The Onion

Saying that entries would be accepted from the public until the April 4 due date, officials from the Sacramento Zoo launched a contest this week to name the baby of the zoo’s pregnant gift shop...

Tumblr

The AI ethics debate reminds me of this great article by The Onion

https://theonion.com/geneticists-debate-ethics-of-cloning-humans-and-forcing-1819576833/

“Cloning human beings and using various intimidation tactics to coerce the genetic duplicates to battle inside a craggy, dimly lit arena certainly raises numerous ethical questions, but the benefits of cheap, incredibly exciting, blood-drenched brawls outweigh potential violations of moral principles,”

@Joshsharp https://aus.social/@Joshsharp/116264707245417459
#ethics #debate #slop #morality #genetics #TheOnion

Geneticists Debate Ethics Of Cloning Humans And Forcing Them To Fight To Death In Pit For Our Amusement

GENEVA—In an effort to explore the complex moral issues surrounding the controversial topic, the world’s leading geneticists gathered at an international conference this week to debate the ethics of cloning human beings and compelling them to fight to the death in a rocky pit for our amusement.

The Onion
What are you going to do? Save your money? For the future?! #TheOnion https://twp.ai/E6HzXo
The Onion

What are you going to do? Save your money? For the future?! Visit The Onion Store.

Tumblr

Florida Hospital Sues To Evict Patient Discharged 5 Months Ago

Tallahassee Memorial Healthcare sued a patient who refused to depart her room after being discharged last October, claiming she is diverting resources that could be used to help others. What do you think?
The post Florida Hospital Sues To Evict Patient Discharged 5 Months Ago appeared first on The Onion.
#theonion
https://theonion.com/florida-hospital-sues-to-evict-patient-discharged-5-months-ago/

Tips For Saving On Gas #TheOnion https://twp.ai/E6I0OH
Tips For Saving On Gas

Gas prices are soaring, with the price of crude oil rising above $119 per barrel at one point Thursday. The Onion shares tips for saving money at the pump.

Tumblr