Inconsiderate Wife Leaves Bathroom A Total Mess After Home Birth

AUSTIN, TX—Reporting that he plans to shower at the gym due to the bathtub being left “absolutely disgusting,” local man Michael DiCanio expressed annoyance Thursday that his wife had inconsiderately left the apartment’s only bathroom a total mess after giving birth to their first child. “Jesus Christ, there’s afterbirth everywhere! I…
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https://theonion.com/inconsiderate-wife-leaves-bathroom-a-total-mess-after-home-birth/

Analysts Say Paramount-Warner Bros. Merger Offers Best Shot At ‘Sex And The City’ Reboot Starring Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

LOS ANGELES—Admitting that there were some significant upsides to the deal despite the concerns it had raised, analysts at the National Research Group reported Thursday that the upcoming Paramount-Warner Bros. merge…
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https://theonion.com/analysts-say-paramount-warner-bros-merger-offers-best-shot-at-sex-and-the-city-reboot-starring-teenage-mutant-ninja-turtles/

Mail Carrier Hurt To Learn Residents On His Route Have Been Receiving Electronic Mail

TOLEDO, OH—Visibly distraught as he learned of the widespread betrayal, local mail carrier Ned Mungo expressed dismay Thursday upon realizing that the residents on his route have been receiving electronic mail for years without his knowing. “Day in and day out, I’ve been coming to these doorst…
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https://theonion.com/mail-carrier-hurt-to-learn-residents-on-his-route-have-been-receiving-electronic-mail/

Jake Paul Hoping To Gain Respect Of Boxing Community With Fight Against World’s Tallest Man

The post Jake Paul Hoping To Gain Respect Of Boxing Community With Fight Against World’s Tallest Man appeared first on The Onion.
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https://theonion.com/jake-paul-hoping-to-gain-respect-of-boxing-community-with-fight-against-worlds-tallest-man/