Wingnuts Having A Good Old-Fashioned Satanic Panic About ... Target

Really, they are just such incredible dorks.

Wonkette
The Christians Having A Satanic Panic Over Taylor Swift Will Be So Mad When She Is Mayor Of Tampa*

*For a day.

Wonkette
Scotland Is About To Have A Good Old Fashioned Witch Trial

11 people are accused of 'Satanic Ritual Abuse,' which is not a thing.

Wonkette