#goodnewsfriday. Humans are still amazing and here's some good news about them. #stocks #interestrates #mortgages #Neurallink #Sharks #AI #autism

6 news items in a thread

The bad news about stocks last week was shown to be a big nothing burger, as they rebounded big time by the end of the week and hit new highs. https://www.linkedin.com/news/story/stocks-notch-best-day-since-22-6123772/

Mortgage rates are falling and will get even lower this fall as the FED hinted strongly about a rate reduction in September. https://www.linkedin.com/news/story/mortgage-rates-lowest-in-15-months-6124460/

"Elon Musk's NeuralLink approved for human trials"

....by himself? who the fuck approved it? the ghost of Dr. Mengele? no reputable agency nowadays is going to approve human experimentation for a device created by a failed businessman

guy thinks he's Robert House from Fallout: New Vegas, but he is actually that dumbass NPC Fantastic

#elonmusk #neurallink #nazishit #falloutnewvegas #fuckelonmusk

Another day, another startup raises millions of dollars ($43 million specifically). But the real story is what is typed underneath glitz & glamor.

In 2022, the Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine (PCRM) alleged that Neuralink and UC Davis, once its research partner, had mistreated several monkeys involved with testing Neuralink hardware — subjecting them to psychological distress and chronic infections due to surgeries. Reports from both Reuters and Wired suggested testing was being rushed due to Musk’s demands for fast results, which led to complications with the installation of electrodes — including partial paralysis and brain swelling.

For nearly a year, Neuralink was under federal investigation by the U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) regarding animal welfare violations. The USDA eventually concluded that there was “no evidence” of animal welfare breaches in the startup’s trials other than a previous, self-reported incident from 2019 — but the PCRM disputed the results of the investigation.

in November 2023, U.S. Lawmakers ask to SEC to investigated Neuralink for omitting details about the deaths of at least a dozen animals who were surgically fitted with its implants.

Via TechCrunch

USDA found no evidence of animal welfare breaches but we have dead monkeys from obvious experimentation. Why would the government ignore an obvious breach of conduct‽

If I was a conspiracy theorist, I would say there is a military angle to this story, but since there is no evidence of that either (quite literally), we can wager this to nothing more than ordinary bureaucratic corruption.

Or maybe Elon Musk is from the future & he only needs…twelve monkeys to save humanity.

https://darnell.fyi/2023/11/25/elon-musk-dead-monkeys/

#AnimalCruelty #Animals #ElonMusk #Experimentation #Monkeys #NeuralLink #Science

As clearly shown in the video, #elonmusk ‘s brain went through rapid unscheduled disassembly.

A #Neurallink spokesperson said "With a test like this, success comes from what we learn, and we learned a tremendous amount". The loss of Musk will not hinder future planned testing, as there are plenty remaining billionaires to test.

I think I know what happened!

We are all side characters in a zany 80s body swap comedy, where #Elon put his #neurallink into his brain but also a very petulant monkey. And now his mind is stuck in a cage full of monkey poop, while the primate wreaks havoc in his meat suit, high on power!

Can't wait for the redemption arc part of that story!

There will be a redemption arc part of that story... right? 👀

Right!?!?