West BennettI think, after 20 years since my diagnosis as an #Aspie, I'm finally able to "pass" as a #neurotypical successfully if I choose.
I just had an epiphany that, to me at least, might be the "key" to unlocking this secret - small talk's banality IS important! #Gossip MATTERS! It's mandatory! We're about to get all #philosophy up in here!
See, you know how we all have two faces - the one that we show to the world, and the one that we keep to ourselves or our closest companions? The Outer Self and the Inner Self?
That's what's called the "#Human Condition", also known as the "Hedgehog's Dilemma" (reference - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hedgehog%27s_dilemma ).
So summarize all of that for you, the long and short of it is this:
We are individuals that want to "join" with others (think "relationships" of all sorts).
That creates two concepts - The #Self, and The #Other
We want and desire for The Self and The Other to be one, to be merged, joined, ultimately. But, there's a couple of problems with that.
There's the fear of LOSING The Self when joining with The Other.
And, there's the fear of rejection from The Other. From being cast aside, forgotten, ignored.
So The Self, in defense of itself, creates The Wall. The Wall divides us, keeps us separated, but safe.
It's a translucent wall - and we control the opacity. Through it, we choose how much of The Self to show to The Other, how much we risk rejection, or fear of being absorbed and losing our individuality.
And that's where "small talk" comes into play. By using "small talk", #neurotypical people clear the opacity of their wall; risking vulnerability (just a little!) to The Other. Showing just a LITTLE bit more of The Self.
Every "small talk" conversation should be thought of in these terms:
The Self: "Oh Hi, Other! I'm a person! A real human with needs, desires, feelings, emotions. Are you?"
The Other: "Hey there Self, yeah I too am a real human with needs, desires, feelings, emotions! We should totally chill more often!"
The Self: "A'ight, lets hang, my man!"
The Other: "True Dawg, True. For sho!"
I have no idea why that turned into a #racist remake of the movie Friday at the end, but the point is this.
Every bit of small talk, every communication between you and another person about the minuscule happenings in your life, in their life... it's tiny peeks through The Wall. It allows for a collection of "mini-risks", that allow neurotypicals to "gel" and learn to start to trust each other, to build stronger bonds.
To really start to merge... just a little closer to each other.
Now that I know that... I don't think I'll see any public gatherings, informal meetings, get-togethers the same way again.
Or, to sum it all up in a horribly culturally-appropriating way:
"Chillin' wit yer homies makes you a pack, yo!
Family."
Strypey
Rysiekúr (old account)