Lekker:

https://www.nu.nl/economie/6355083/eu-stapt-naar-wereldhandelsorganisatie-en-dreigt-met-nieuwe-heffingen-voor-vs.html #MakeDonaldDrumpfAgain

The Art of The Deal – Jonathan Pie

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jk0nUUqG_Ag

The Great Negotiator sells out Ukraine – and the UK’s favourite grifter is behind him every step of the way.

#JonathanPie #MakeDonaldDrumpfAgain #USPolitics

Donald Drumpf Has Been Operating With Only 10% of His Brain – And He’s Been Doing It Bigly

In explanation of his long history of questionable decisions, top neuroscientists have confirmed what many have long suspected: President Drumpf may be suffering from an extreme case of hydrocephalus, a condition that has left him with only 10% of his brain intact. Despite this, he has somehow managed to function (loosely speaking) as a businessman, reality TV star, and leader of the free world.

The discovery was made after researchers analyzed decades of his public statements, decision-making patterns, and late-night social media meltdowns. Their findings were conclusive: Tantrump’s brain scans appear almost identical to those of a 44-year-old Frenchman who, despite losing 90% of his brain matter, continued living a relatively normal life. The key difference? The Frenchman didn’t attempt to overthrow democracy or sell commemorative sneakers with his mugshot on them.

A Scientific Miracle or a National Tragedy?

“Frankly, we’ve never seen a case like this before,” said Dr. Sylvia Greyson, a leading neurologist at Johns Hopkins. “The average person with this condition struggles with basic cognitive functions, but Mr. Drumpf has somehow managed to run multiple businesses into the ground, hold the highest office in the country, and still find time to misspell words like ‘hamburger’ and ‘unpresidented.’ It’s both impressive and deeply terrifying.”

According to the research, Drumpf’s erratic behavior can now be explained as a direct result of his condition. His difficulty with facts, impulsive decision-making, and toddler-like tantrums may not be simple personality traits but rather a medical necessity. The brain, left with limited real estate, appears to have prioritized ego inflation, grievance collection, and an unshakable belief in his own genius over more practical functions, such as critical thinking, basic empathy, or the ability to drink water with one hand.

The Medical Community Weighs In

Doctors speculate that Drumpf’s brain, despite its size constraints, has undergone a unique form of “radical plasticity,” rerouting all available processing power toward key survival instincts: self-promotion, paranoia, and an uncanny ability to dodge consequences.

“We’ve seen brains compensate for missing sections before,” said Dr. Raj Patel, a neuropsychologist. “But Drumpf’s brain appears to have devoted what little space it has left to a single function: maintaining a narrative where he is always the victim. It’s a highly specialized adaptation, like a chameleon blending into a background of tax fraud and civil lawsuits.”

What This Means for America

Experts warn that this condition could explain Drumpf’s alternative relationship with reality, including his belief that windmills cause cancer and that he won an election he demonstrably lost. Some even suggest that he may not be lying—he may genuinely perceive these things as true, thanks to the extremely limited bandwidth of his remaining brain cells.

“It’s possible that in his mind, everything he says makes perfect sense,” Dr. Greyson added. “To him, a hurricane can be stopped with a Sharpie, and bleach is a perfectly reasonable COVID cure. The missing 90% of his brain might have once contained the areas responsible for second-guessing terrible ideas.”

Could This Condition Be Treated?

While the Cheeto-in-Chief’s legal team has already floated the idea of using his condition as a defense in upcoming trials (“How can he be held accountable if he’s literally missing most of his brain?”), medical professionals are skeptical that any treatment could reverse the damage.

“We considered suggesting a rigorous cognitive rehabilitation program,” Dr. Patel said. “But he’d likely just call it a witch hunt and refuse to participate. At this stage, the only thing that might restore his cognitive function is an emergency transplant of facts, logic, and basic human decency—which, unfortunately, modern medicine has yet to develop.”

The Final Analysis

While Drumpf’s ability to function with such a limited brain is undeniably impressive, the implications for American democracy are less inspiring. Scientists warn that if his condition goes untreated, we may soon witness the first presidential campaign run entirely on muscle memory and catchphrases.

Still, some remain hopeful. “If a man with only 10% of his brain can become President,” Dr. Greyson mused, “imagine what someone with a fully intact brain could do.”

In the meantime, Drumpf remains undeterred, continuing to post all-caps rants on social media and insist that he is the best thinker, the best president, and the best person ever to have only 10% of their brain.

“I have the best brain,” he said in a recent speech. “I know more about brains than anyone. Believe me.”

Meanwhile, half of the the US population and the majority of the rest of the planet, remain unconvinced.

#Health #MakeDonaldDrumpfAgain #Panache #USPolitics

Ottawa Names New Dog Park in Honour of Donald Drumpf

OTTAWA — In a move that has Canadians barking with laughter, the City of Ottawa announced today it will name its newest dog park after the once-and-current U.S. President. The “Donald J. Drumpf Memorial Bark Park” is set to open this spring and promises to embody the spirit of its namesake.

“We wanted a name evocative of both him and of the park,” said Councillor Mildred Evans during a press conference. “With all the yapping, growling, posing, and, of course, plenty of poop. It just felt right.”

A Park Like No Other

Located in the heart of downtown Ottawa, the park features state-of-the-art amenities designed to reflect the Cheeto-in-Chief’s larger-than-life persona. The golden fire hydrants stand tall as a tribute to the former president’s love for all things gilded, while a massive “Make Fetch Great Again” sign greets visitors at the entrance.

“This isn’t just a dog park; it’s a lifestyle,” Evans continued. “We’re encouraging Ottawa’s dogs to come here and be the best versions of themselves, whether that means barking incessantly, humping shamelessly, or sniffing out controversy.”

The Mango Mussolini Experience

The park will also include a “Tweeting Terrier Zone,” where dogs can bark their thoughts into speakers that broadcast messages across the park. Another highlight is the “Fake Chews Area,” a play zone featuring rubber toys designed to look like sensationalized newspaper headlines.

However, the most anticipated feature is the “Pee-lection Poll,” where dogs can vote on various issues by lifting a leg on specially marked posts. The inaugural question? “Who’s the good boy?”

Controversy and Tail Wags

Not everyone is thrilled with the park’s naming. Local resident and self-described cat person Larry Wharton called it a “spectacle.” “Tantrump and a dog park? It’s just too much chaos in one place,” he said. “And don’t even get me started on the poop bags labeled ‘You’re Fired!’”

Others, however, are embracing the humor. Dog owner Sandra Barker said, “Honestly, this is the most entertaining thing to happen in Ottawa since that time a raccoon scaled the Parliament building. My Chihuahua, Ivanka, will love it.”

Official Statement from Mar-a-Lago

The president himself has responded to the news, issuing a statement via Truth Social: “Canada LOVES me! Biggest, most luxurious dog park ever. Dogs are great, they love me—especially the big ones. People say it’s the BEST park. Sad for all the jealous cats out there!”

A Lasting Legacy

While the “Donald J. Drumpf Memorial Bark Park” hasn’t officially opened, anticipation is already high. The city has promised a grand opening ceremony featuring a “Best in Show” contest and a “Covfefe Café” pop-up serving dog-friendly treats.

As for whether the park will live up to its name, only time will tell. But if there’s one thing Ottawans can agree on, it’s that this is bound to be the most talked-about dog park north of the border—for better or woof.

#Dogs #MakeDonaldDrumpfAgain #Pets #USPolitics

The Donald Hires Collections Agency to Pursue Mexico’s Border Wall Payment

WASHINGTON — Once and future President Donald Drumpf, never one to abandon a campaign promise, has taken an unconventional step to secure funding for his long-touted border wall: hiring a collections agency. The move comes after his oft-repeated claims that Mexico would foot the bill for the controversial project, a promise that, much like Trump’s original steaks, never fully materialized.

Sources close to the former president say he’s contracted “Four Seasons Collections, Inc.,” a company specializing in retrieving debts that may or may not exist. A press release from Drumpf’s Mar-a-Lago office described the effort as “a tremendous idea—the best idea—to get what’s owed to America.”

“They said it couldn’t be done, but we’re doing it,” Drumpf said in a recorded statement, his voice resonating with the same defiance that defined his time in office. “We’re going to call them, email them, send postcards, maybe even knock on doors. Mexico owes us big and we’re getting every penny. All of them.”

An Invoice With Flair

The first step in the collection effort was a formal invoice sent to Andrés Manuel López Obrador care of the Mexican government. The document, written on gold-embossed Drumpf Organization letterhead, itemizes the wall’s alleged $15 billion cost and includes a handwritten note in Sharpie reading, “Make checks payable to Donald J. Trump. You’re welcome.”

López Obrador was reportedly baffled by the invoice, having left office in September 2024 after the election of Claudia Sheinbaum. In a press conference, he laughed and said, “We thought this was spam at first. Then a joke. Honestly, it’s very funny. Maybe we’ll frame it.”

Persistent Tactics

Once the error was realized, Four Seasons Collections promised an “aggressive yet classy” approach, including weekly calls to Mexico’s Finance Ministry. Their scripts reportedly include lines like, “This is not a scam. This is history in the making.”

Additionally, Drumpf’s team has started crowdfunding efforts in border states, selling wall-shaped piggy banks online. “Fill it up, and you’ll be part of something huuuge,” reads the product description. Early sales numbers are reportedly “disappointing but not zero,” according to a Four Seasons spokesperson.

Legal Challenges Loom

Experts have already begun questioning the legality of this endeavour. “There’s no enforceable contract here,” said constitutional lawyer Elena Barrister. “You can’t just send someone a bill for something they didn’t agree to pay for. That’s not how international relations work.”

When pressed on this point, Drumpf responded via Truth Social: “FAKE NEWS LAWYERS don’t get it. Mexico KNOWS they owe us. Everyone knows. It’s called common sense. Sad!”

Mexico’s Response

For their part, Mexican officials have maintained a lighthearted stance. Sheinbaum’s foreign secretary joked on XTwitter, “If he really wants payment, he’ll have to collect it in pesos. Good luck with the exchange rate.”

A Never-Ending Quest

While many dismiss this latest move as a publicity stunt, Drumpf’s supporters see it as proof of his determination. “He’s a fighter,” said Gloria F. Smalls, a Florida retiree and avid MAGA hat collector. “If anyone can make Mexico pay, it’s him.”

For now, the border wall debt remains unpaid. But if Drumpf’s collections strategy fails, insiders suggest he may pivot to suing Mexico in small claims court. As one former aide put it, “He’s not giving up. He’s just getting started.”

#MakeDonaldDrumpfAgain #Mexico #Panache #USPolitics

Drumpf Declares Plan to Annex Canada

WASHINGTON — In a move that has left diplomats scratching their heads and Canadians furiously Googling “impeachment from abroad,” former and future President Donald Drumpf has announced his latest ambition: the annexation of Canada. Speaking at a rally in Duluth, Minnesota, on Tuesday night, the Apricot Antichrist described the proposal as a “tremendous deal” that would transform the United States into “the greatest North American superpower of all time.”

“Canada’s been freeloading off our Netflix subscriptions for years,” Drumpf told the cheering crowd. “Why should we let them keep all that maple syrup, fresh air, and Ryan Reynolds to themselves?”

The proposal, dubbed the “The Great Idea” outlines a bold vision for incorporating Canada as the 51st state. Trump argued that the annexation would eliminate the need for “unnecessary weather reports about the polar vortex” and allow Americans to finally claim poutine as a national dish without controversy.

“A Historic Win-Win”

“This is going to be so good for both countries. So good. Incredibly good. Canadians already love me; they’re always telling me, ‘Mr. President, you’re huge in Flin Flon,’ and now we’re going to make it official. Canada is practically begging for this,” the Stable Genius claimed, though Canadian officials offered no such confirmation.

The Donald also took aim at Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, whom he described as “a very weak leader who looks like he’s auditioning for a shampoo commercial.” He then vowed to personally appoint Ted Nugent as Canada’s first American governor, calling him “the only man who can wrangle a grizzly while singing the national anthem.”

Canadian Reactions: “Oh No, Absolutely Not”

Reaction from Canadian leaders has been swift and resolute. Trudeau, sporting a maple leaf lapel pin at a hastily organized press conference, called the plan “an absurd and unacceptable assault on our sovereignty.”

“Canada is a proud, independent nation, and we intend to remain that way,” Trudeau said, before adding, “And frankly, we’re not sure Americans are ready for the metric system.”

Canadian citizens have also expressed concerns, particularly over The Marmalade Menace’s vow to replace universal healthcare with “an even better plan, which I can’t talk about yet but trust me, it’ll be the best. It’ll blow your socks off.” Social media erupted with hashtags like #HandsOffOurBeavers and #WeTheNorthForever.

Experts Weigh In

Political analysts are divided on the feasibility of the plan. Some believe it’s merely a publicity stunt, while others point to Cheddar Caesar’s history of unconventional diplomacy.

“If anyone could seriously propose annexing an entire country and somehow make it about ratings, it’s Drumpf,” said Dr. Melvin Doyles, a professor of international relations at Georgetown University. “That said, this would likely violate every international law, and possibly Canada’s moose-related bylaws as well.”

Critics in the U.S. Congress have also voiced opposition, with one unnamed senator describing the proposal as “like his idea of buying Greenland, but a colder version with more plaid.”

Rally Highlights: Loonies and Timbit Toss

To drive home his point, Trump unveiled a 20-foot-tall inflatable Mountie during the rally, which he described as “the perfect new mascot for MAGA 2025.” Supporters waved signs reading “Make Maple Syrup American Again” and “Ketchup Chips Are For Communists!”

The rally ended with a rendition of “The Star-Spangled Banner” sung by Kid Rock while fireworks spelled out the word “S’orry.” Trump’s team also distributed Tim Hortons donuts, which were immediately criticized on social media for being “just Dunkin’ with a passport.”

What’s Next?

Trump claims the annexation plan will take effect on “Day One” of his second term, with promises to “renegotiate everything,” including the name “Canada,” which he called “too French.” Suggested alternatives reportedly include “North Montana” and “America Plus.”

“Canada is America’s hat! We’ll name it whatever we want,” he added.

For now, Canadians appear united in their defiance, with one Ottawa resident summing up the national sentiment succinctly: “We’ve really tried sticking with being the polite neighbour here, but if we’re your hat, you’re our granny panties.”

#HandsOffOurBeavers #MakeDonaldDrumpfAgain #Panache #USPolitics #WeTheNorthForever

Idiot Elected to Run Country to Appoint Other Idiots to Help Run Country

WASHINGTON — In what critics have dubbed the “Council of Contradictions,” President-elect Drumpf’s latest proposed cabinet appointments have raised eyebrows, questions, and the blood pressure of anyone who has ever managed so much as a lemonade stand.

Among the standout selections is Robert F. Kennedy Jr., a vocal vaccine skeptic, tapped to lead Health and Human Services—a department traditionally rooted in science. “No one knows more about being against vaccines than Bobby,” the Spraytan Sultan remarked. “He’s practically allergic to them!”

Over at the newly-minted Department of Government Efficiency, Elon Musk will take the reins. Musk, whose stint as Twitter CEO was marked by public meltdowns and plummeting revenue, promised to “disrupt” bureaucracy. “Government needs bold thinking,” Musk tweeted, “like flamethrowers in every office. Efficiency = 🔥🚀.”

Leading the Environmental Protection Agency is Lee Zeldin, a staunch supporter of energy deregulation. Zeldin assured reporters that he would “protect the environment from overreach” while vowing to replace solar farms with “cleaner coal fields.”

And to head the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services? None other than Mehmet Oz, famed for peddling questionable medical cures on daytime TV. “I’ll bring medicine to the masses,” Oz said, holding a jar of his proprietary “miracle beans.”

Critics fear this team might struggle to govern effectively, but Cheddarhead Caesar remains optimistic. “They said I couldn’t pick ‘em,” he said. “Well, I proved them wrong!”

“This team represents the best of the worst,” said one bewildered political analyst, noting that several nominees have resumes that include “Twitter feuds” and “once owned a gas station.”

When pressed, Drumpf defended his picks: “These are tremendous people—tremendous. They have the best ideas. Some say too many ideas. We’ll be number one in ideas.”

Meanwhile, the rest of the nation braces for what might be the most “interesting” four years in U.S. history.

#MakeDonaldDrumpfAgain #Panache #USPolitics

#MakeDonaldDrumpfAgain, Take 2

In a twist no one anticipated (or, perhaps, everyone secretly hoped for), a resurgence of the #MakeDonaldDrumpfAgain campaign has emerged following the Cheeto-in-Chief’s successful presidential bid. Once the viral centerpiece of comedian John Oliver’s searing HBO critique in 2016, the movement is now finding new life on social media, taking what was once an Internet punchline and turning it into an emblem of postmodern irony.

“It’s both a protest and a celebration,” said digital strategist Mark Russo, whose tongue-in-cheek Twitter campaign gained momentum within hours of Don the Con’s election night announcement. “The Drumpf moniker has always been more than a name; it’s a reminder of where this all began.”

Oliver’s original exposé, now archived as a masterclass in political satire, aimed to reveal the man behind the brand—literally stripping the Donald’s formidable surname back to its ancestral roots. It wasn’t just a comedic flourish; it was a reminder that the convict-elect once began as ‘Donald Drumpf’—a name less regal, less marketable, more grounded in the mundane.

“With Trump reclaiming the Oval Office, the revival of Drumpf feels like poetic justice,” said Emily Carter, a pop culture analyst. “It’s as if the internet wants to humble the victorious king by reminding him of his jester days.” In a similar vein, erudite users on Mastodon are freely sharing memes quoting the Turkish proverb: “When a clown moves into a palace, he doesn’t become a sultan. The palace becomes a circus.”

The hashtag #MakeDonaldDrumpfAgain, embellished with a mix of nostalgic memes and GIFs from Oliver’s episode, has now become a rallying cry for both sides of the aisle—a paradoxical bridge uniting cynics, satirists, and those yearning for the days when political humor was simpler and “Twitter” still had a character limit. And was still called Twitter. And wasn’t owned by a complete idiot.

Trump’s press secretary-of-the-week, keenly aware that her job was on the line, took a measured tone. “The president-elect is focused on the future,” she noted, deftly sidestepping questions about ‘Drumpf’ merchandise sales surging on Etsy.

#MakeDonaldDrumpfAgain #Panache #USPolitics

Don the Con Retains Hearing, Loses Ability to Listen Following Failed Assassination

Former President Donald Drumpf has reportedly completely lost the ability to listen after a botched attempt on his life left him with a grazed ear. However, insiders claim that the injury merely exacerbated a pre-existing condition: selective hearing.

Sources close to the Pumpkin Pundit reveal that he had long mastered the art of half-listening, a skill honed during his years in attempted business and politics. “He’d nod, smile, and occasionally throw in a ‘tremendous’ or ‘fantastic,’ but let’s be honest, he was only ever half paying attention,” said a former aide.

While Trumpelstiltskin claims he is “fine,” other reports indicate that the recent assassination attempt at a rally has now left him unable to hear out of one ear, officially rendering him incapable of even that minimal engagement. “It’s a tragedy,” said a senior campaign advisor, who asked not to be identified. “Now, when we tell him the economy is in trouble, he’ll have a legitimate excuse for not responding.”

Political analysts are divided on the implications of this development. Some argue it could be a blessing in disguise. “Imagine the debates,” mused one commentator. “Biden will think he’s making valid points, while Trump remains blissfully unaware, smiling and waving.”

In true Donald fashion, he has already turned the incident into a campaign slogan: “Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil – Trump 2024!” The slogan is emblazoned on new merchandise, with a portion of the proceeds going to a very exclusive charity – the Trump Legal Defense Fund.

Fringe theorists suggest that the Golden Combover might have orchestrated the whole thing himself. After all, nothing generates sympathy like a good old-fashioned assassination attempt. “Why not hire a shooter to boost your poll numbers?” one satirical pundit quipped. “It’s the ultimate campaign strategy, especially after being declared a felon on 34 counts of falsifying business records. The timing is impeccable!”

#MakeDonaldDrumpfAgain #Panache #USPolitics