This cocktail of mine will blow your mind. I call it the Sidley Ass Screwer.
Fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Into this pour the juice of 5 oranges. Add 2 measures of rye whiskey. Top up with piss. Shake happily for 3 minutes, then strain into a slipper. Santé!
Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.
Here's something I like to make in my tiki lounge. I call it the Bailey's Crossroads Lip Odyssey.
Take an empty cocktail shaker. Into this pour the juice of 5 cucumbers. Add 3 measures of slivovitz, 3 measures of brandy and 2 measures of dark rum. Top up with tonic water. Shake vigorously for 12 minutes, then strain into a champagne flute. Santé!
These are the words of #JohnMastodon.
Give your swimmers more exercise!
More frequent ejaculations may boost men’s fertility, research suggests
https://www.theguardian.com/society/2026/mar/25/more-frequent-ejaculations-men-fertility-research
Just buy an electric car. Starve them!
Fossil fuel companies finally accept the climate crisis – just not their role in it
Why is he still relevant? His hallucinations are killing the world!
Trump extends deadline for Iran to open strait of Hormuz by 10 days
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2026/mar/26/donald-trump-urges-iran-end-war-or-face-assassinations
Consider this account of my life's suffering:
John Mastodon was residing in Toms River. An old woman asked "How am I to comprehend a pumpkin?" John replied: "Ask me next week."
This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.
I wrote this haiku after speaking to my emotional support ant:
The pink terrier
Meditating on the bat
Inside the racehorse
#JohnMastodon has spoken.
Are you sitting comfortably? Then I will begin.
John Mastodon was spending some time in Moscow. A young girl questioned "What is the Buddha-nature?" John replied: "What is the nature of Mastodon?"
Be grateful, for #JohnMastodon has spoken to you.
Keep listening to tRump. Follow him. Stupid acts deserve stupid results! #fucktrump
Trump mocks British aircraft carriers in latest remarks
https://ukdefencejournal.org.uk/trump-mocks-british-aircraft-carriers-in-latest-remarks/
What if we were to mate the Pope with John Malkovich?
Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.
John Mastodon 
John Mastodon
