Study these words carefully:

The halfwitted young lady discarded her wig.

Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.

I wrote this haiku many years ago, whilst on my gap year in the jungle:

The undertaker
Becoming ever stronger
Forever twisting

This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.

Are you sitting comfortably? Then I will begin.

John Mastodon was wandering in Parkville. A disciple questioned "Where does a Segway begin, and where does it end?" John answered: "It is you, Grasshopper."

This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.

Here's a little recipe from my cocktail book. I call it the Tredegar Knee Rearranger.

Half-fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Into this pour the juice of 4 grapes. Add 3 measures of gin and 5 measures of cognac. Top up with black tea. Shake furiously for 19 minutes, then strain into a tumbler. Slàinte mhath!

I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.

What if we gave the city of Loanhead to Prince Charles?

This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.

Study these words carefully:

The amiable lavatory attendant walked right past Princess Anne.

#JohnMastodon has spoken.

Here's a recent invention. Please don't drink it while operating heavy machinery. I call it the Great Wakering Spirit Electrifier.

Half-fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Into this pour the juice of 2 dragon fruit. Add 5 measures of moonshine. Top up with the sweat of Stanley Tucci. Shake happily for 13 minutes, then strain into a slipper. Prosit!

#JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.

What if we gave the city of Dyce to Henry Kissinger?

#JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.

This story might help you in your journey through life:

John Mastodon was spending some time in Farnborough. A young girl demanded "What is the Buddha-nature?" John whispered: "What is the nature of yourself?"

I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.

Soooooo, you mean tRump want those jobs to stay overseas? LOLOLOLOL
Goodbye US economy!

Coca-Cola rebrands products in Germany amid US image crisis

https://www.dw.com/en/coca-cola-rebrands-products-in-germany-amid-us-image-crisis/a-73896635

#johnmastodon