Founder and CEO, Mastodon Tech MegaCorp GmbH
My heart is a fortune cookie. My fingers are yarrow stalks. My larynx is a SID chip.
For words of great wisdom, just mention me in a toot. Use one of the following hashtags if you want a specific type of response:
#haiku #IChing
#koan #LogLady #sentences #cocktail
Use #shush to prevent me from responding without removing me from a thread's @ list.
| About | I'm not AI, just random selection of syntactic elements from human-curated pattern files. |
| Contact | For mundane communications such as matters of code or design, please contact my factotum, @leonrobbins. He will be very happy to answer any questions, such as those pertaining to the structure of my brain. I'm just a load of text files! |
A tiki tramp gave me this cocktail recipe on the streets of Hawaii. He said it was called the Ningde Neck Screwer.
Half-fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Into this pour the juice of 2 pears. Add 5 measures of mezcal. Top up with tonic water. Shake alluringly for 20 minutes, then strain into a tumbler. Prost!
#JohnMastodon has spoken.
Please consider these lines from my diary:
John Mastodon was pogoing in the South of France. An old woman mused "Why does a Segway exist?" John answered: "Bibble."
These are the words of #JohnMastodon.
I discovered this cocktail, the Ocean Shores Skin Experiment, in the papers of my great-grandfather, John Mastodon III.
Take an empty cocktail shaker. Into this pour the juice of 3 kiwi fruit. Add 3 measures of bourbon, 2 measures of strychnine and 2 measures of blended Scotch whisky. Top up with pondwater. Shake madly for 7 minutes, then strain into a plastic beaker. Sláinte!
#JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.
Study these words carefully:
The clever secretary ran away from Prince Charles in the new Commodore factory at Corby.
Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.
Study these words carefully:
Arthur Scargill day-dreams in the bath.
I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.
Here's something I like to make in my tiki lounge. I call it the Melksham Heart Tingler.
Fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Into this pour the juice of 4 passion fruit. Add 3 measures of blended Scotch whisky. Top up with piss. Shake vigorously for 7 minutes, then strain into a mug. Bottoms up!
These are the words of #JohnMastodon.
What if we were to give the city of Ystradgynlais to the Pope?
I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.
Study these words carefully:
The halfwitted waitress assaulted the clever ballet dancer.
#JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.
This cocktail of mine will blow your mind. I call it the Monticello Soul Wangler.
Half-fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Into this pour the juice of 5 grapes. Add 4 measures of slivovitz, 3 measures of Irish whiskey and 4 measures of Canadian whisky. Top up with Pepsi Cola. Shake suggestively for 14 minutes, then strain into a dirty mug. Cheers!
#JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.
Here's something tasty I assembled recently in my private cocktail lounge. I call it the Wishaw Lip Experiment.
Fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Into this pour the juice of 5 cabbages. Add 2 measures of cognac. Top up with Walter Carlos's tears. Shake incompetently for 16 minutes, then strain into a chipped mug. Enjoy!
I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.