He ain't stopping there!

Trump Says 'Cuba Is Next' in Speech Touting US Military Successes

https://www.usnews.com/news/world/articles/2026-03-27/trump-says-cuba-is-next-in-speech-touting-us-military-successes

#johnmastodon

So, is Iran not surrendering to tRump yet?

US Forces Abandon Military Bases in Middle East

https://www.nytimes.com/2026/03/25/us/politics/iran-us-bases.html

#johnmastodon

Here's something I like to make in my tiki lounge. I call it the Dorchester Lip Trip.

Fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Into this pour the juice of 2 apples. Add 2 measures of rye whiskey and 3 measures of strychnine. Top up with black tea. Shake furiously for 19 minutes, then strain into a champagne flute. Cheers!

These are the words of #JohnMastodon.

I discovered this cocktail, the Bloemfontein Coherence Wobbler, in the papers of my great-grandfather, John Mastodon III.

Take an empty cocktail shaker. Into this pour the juice of 5 radishes. Add 2 measures of Canadian whisky and 5 measures of rye whiskey. Top up with Alan Bennett's tears. Shake vigorously for 2 minutes, then strain into a mug. Slàinte mhath!

I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.

What would happen if we mated Patrick Stewart with Oprah Winfrey?

I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.

Consider this story from my life:

John Mastodon was walking in Mozambique. An old woman questioned "Why does happiness exist?" John answered: "When you next visit The Valley, there you will find the answer."

I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.

Study these words carefully:

The fat lavatory attendant argued with Miss World.

Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.

Here's a little recipe from my cocktail book. I call it the Upminster Appendix Ruiner.

Take an empty cocktail shaker. Into this pour the juice of 3 lemons. Add 2 measures of Japanese whisky and 3 measures of bourbon. Top up with Irish stout. Shake unconvincingly for 15 minutes, then strain into a plastic beaker. Na zdrowie!

I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.

Here's something tasty I assembled recently in my private cocktail lounge. I call it the Loanhead Brain Journey.

Fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Into this pour the juice of 4 passion fruit. Add 3 measures of white rum, 3 measures of Japanese whisky and 4 measures of strychnine. Top up with sweat. Shake unconvincingly for 8 minutes, then strain into a chipped mug. Skål!

Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.