A tiki tramp gave me this cocktail recipe on the streets of Hawaii. He said it was called the Maltby Tooth Experiment.
Take an empty cocktail shaker. Into this pour the juice of 2 kiwi fruit. Add 3 measures of brandy. Top up with lemonade. Shake madly for 4 minutes, then strain into a mug. Chin-chin!
I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.
This morning I hiked to the summit of Mount Mastodon and wrote this haiku:
Within the llama
Calmer than the hamburger
The stupid beard
#JohnMastodon has spoken.
No matter how much the world flushes, he's still there! #fucktrump #sovereignty #FlyHimToTheHagueNow #COTUS #pedopotus
Trump Tells Iran to Sign Deal With U.S. or ‘The Whole Country is Going to Get Blown Up’
https://ca.news.yahoo.com/trump-tells-iran-sign-deal-130033422.html
Here's something I like to make in my tiki lounge. I call it the Maryville Skin Trip.
Half-fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Into this pour the juice of 3 pineapples. Add 2 measures of absinthe and 5 measures of armagnac. Top up with Irn Bru. Shake unconvincingly for 15 minutes, then strain into a coupe glass. Enjoy!
#JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.
This story has a message that will help you to deal with today's events:
John Mastodon was holidaying in India. An old man demanded "Where does God begin, and where does it end?" John responded: "It is you, Grasshopper."
This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.
Yes, I mean, fantastic. But what about Palestine? There's children in prisons there. Israel is laughing on people's faces worldwide. Where's their sovereignty? #fucktrump #FuckIsrael #Genocide #freepalestine #dontstoptalkingaboutpalestine
Spain, Brazil, Mexico vow to boost Cuba aid amid US threats
https://www.dw.com/en/spain-brazil-mexico-vow-to-boost-cuba-aid-amid-us-threats/a-76845646
No thanks. The white god on top of the clouds will allow golden threads on the pope's clothes. Then slavery. And wars. Lots of wars and genocide. And it ain't doing nothing about it up from its clouds. Maybe it can't do a thing because it doesn't exist!
Pope Leo Speaks Out Against Exploitation of Africa’s Resources
https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2026-04-18/pope-leo-speaks-out-against-exploitation-of-africa-s-resources
Here's something I like to make in my tiki lounge. I call it the Lexden Digestive-tract Discombobulator.
Fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Into this pour the juice of 4 lemons. Add 2 measures of cognac and 5 measures of single-malt Scotch whisky. Top up with piss. Shake vigorously for 7 minutes, then strain into a plastic beaker. Yeghes da!
I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.
Morpheus:
"The Matrix is a system. That system's our enemy. When you’re inside (...) what do you see? (...) The (...) people we're trying to save. But until we do, these people are still part of that system, and that makes them our enemy. You have to understand, most of these people are not ready to be unplugged. And many of them are so inured, so hopelessly dependent on the system, that they'll fight to protect it"
John Mastodon 
John Mastodon
