Why I Need Transparency, Not Just Honesty

Sitting here taking a sip of my Philz Tesora—heavy cream, sugar, obviously—with a little vintage Beyoncé playing in the background, my mind started wandering. And honestly, I just needed to get on here and vent to you guys for a second. Welcome back to another chapter of Stories from Tina. Grab your coffee, because today, we need to talk about the absolute exhaustion that is modern communication.

Let me just put this out into the universe right now, for the record: I am not a mind reader. Do I look like I have a crystal ball sitting on my kitchen island? A lot of people seem to think I’m supposed to just know things. They think I’m supposed to wake up in the morning, sip my coffee, stare out the window for exactly seven seconds like I’m receiving a divine download, and magically understand why somebody has been mad at me for three years without ever saying a single word. Like I’m some kind of emotional Wi-Fi signal with unlimited range.

Why I’m Not Your Emotional Mind Reader

I am not. I do not come with that feature. I’m not a psychic, a spiritual investigator, or a silent movie actress. I swear to you, people will walk around for literal years holding onto anger, hurt, and grudges over something they claim I did to them. They will let it fester and marinate, packing away resentments like family heirlooms in a suitcase they refuse to unpack. Then, they suddenly start acting out, giving me the cold shoulder, or throwing weird energy my way—expecting me to decode the emotional Morse code they’ve been sending from a distance.

Newsflash: I don’t! Half the time, I am so deep in my own little world, trying to balance my life, my classes, my family, and my own peace, that I barely have time to decipher someone’s passive-aggressive puzzle.

Balancing Kindness with My Inner Leo Fire

Because one thing about me is that I am actually a very sweet and understanding person. I know people like to act like kindness means you are weak or clueless, but that is not the truth. Kind people see a lot. We notice things. We pick up on energy. But we don’t always choose immediate chaos; sometimes we choose peace.

But let’s get one thing straight—I also have that Leo fire in me. Just because I’m patient doesn’t mean I’m clueless, and it certainly doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings. If you do something to genuinely piss me off, let me be angry. Let me feel it. I might need to pace around my house, talk to myself, clean something unnecessarily, or lash out for a day or two so I can get it out of my system. But I don’t build a house in that anger. Once I’ve had my moment, my rational brain takes over. I sit down, think everything through clearly, and decide what the next logical steps are.

But I cannot fix a problem I don’t know exists.

Reaching Out: Why I Value Direct Contact

Here is something that surprises people about me: I don’t even get mad, shocked, surprised, worried, or scared when someone somehow finds out my email address or my phone number. Even if I didn’t give it to you. Even if you blocked me on literally every single platform known to man, and then all of a sudden, you decide you want to come back into my life.

Some people freak out over that stuff, but I’m at a point in my life where I look at it practically. If you went out of your way to track down my number or my email, there must be something pretty important you want to discuss with me. You got my contact for a reason, so I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt. I promise you, I am not going to curse you out. I am not going to ignore you, and I am not going to run away scared.

The Rules for Coming Back into My Life

But there is a catch. If you are going to reach out, you need to come correct. That very first text or email needs to come with an apology, or at the absolute very least, a clear explanation of why you are reaching out and what you want. Don’t just pop up with a casual “Hey” after ignoring me for a year. I don’t care if you have to write a whole paragraph or two—honestly, send the essay. I will sit down, I will read the whole thing, and I will hear you out.

Maybe you want to make amends. Maybe you want to tell me how much I hurt you in the past. And you know what? That is perfectly fine. In fact, I prefer it. I would much rather you find my number, reach out to me, and communicate about what I did that hurt your feelings than expect me to read your mind, only for you to hit the block button the second I try to figure out what the problem is.

Please, for the love of everything, just reach out like a mature adult. Being immature, thinking you’re tough, and posting unnecessary subliminal things online is just exhausted energy. It’s also risky. Playing games on the internet and posting things about people can quickly escalate and end up leading to you getting in trouble with the law. Protect your own peace and your own record—just send a text.

How to Reconnect with the Right Energy

If you walked out of my life, played emotional hide-and-seek, and then decide months or years later that you want to come back… I believe in growth. But you have to bring the right energy:

• Bring the apology: Like I said, start with that. Don’t come in trying to build a bridge while leaving the wreckage untouched.
• Acknowledge the past: If you know I’m still angry at you for something you did years ago, but I’ve just been living my life and forgetting about it, don’t just waltz back in and trigger all those memories without taking accountability. I highly suggest an apology before we move forward.
• Keep the same energy: Don’t communicate with me like an adult in private, and then go on social media trying to act tough, or go around your friends acting completely different. Authenticity is everything.

Transparency vs. Honesty: My Golden Rule

This brings me to my golden rule. I want everyone reading this to really absorb it: I prefer transparency over honesty.

Understanding the Difference

What’s the difference? Honesty is answering the question truthfully when I finally ask it. Transparency is telling me the truth before I even have to ask. Transparency says, “Here’s where I stand.” Transparency says, “I’m not going to pretend this is fine when it isn’t.”

I want you to be transparent because, if we are keeping it 100% real… most of the time, I already know the truth anyway. I can feel when energy is off. There is nothing more insulting to my intelligence than sitting there, knowing exactly what happened, and just waiting to see if you are going to lie to me about it.

I am many things. A fool is not one of them.

Avoiding the “Detective Mode” Investigation

I only go to my detective mode when you truly, really piss me off. I am not walking around all day looking for drama under every rock. I’m just Tina, minding my business. But if you keep acting strange, choosing confusion instead of communication, eventually my inner Olivia Benson will show up. And once I go into full SVU detective mode, there are no fake surprises and no “I thought you knew” excuses. Trust me, it’s much easier for everyone if we just skip the investigation and have a conversation.

Let’s Make a Deal: Speak Your Truth

So let’s make a deal. If you want something, tell me. If you want me to stop acting a certain way, speak up. If you want me to stop doing something that you don’t like, tell me. Tell me where your head/ heart is at. Tell me what you are feeling. Tell me how I hurt you, or even how I stabbed you in the back without realizing it. I am a woman who will give grace, listen, read your paragraphs, reflect, and forgive when the situation calls for it. But I cannot respond to what I have not been told.

I’m not a mind reader, and frankly, I don’t want to be one. I’d rather be a woman who tells the truth, asks for clarity, protects her peace, and laughs a little while doing it.

Until next time, protect your peace and say what you mean.

Love, Tina

#bloganuary #dailyprompt #EmotionalMaturity #HealthyCommunicationSkills #HoldingGrudges #mentalHealth #PersonalGrowthJourney #relationships #storiesFromTina #takingAccountability