Me:
Fat people are beautiful.
Them:
You mean inner beauty?
Me:
No, I mean physically beautiful to look at.
Them:
Yeah, but you're actually talking about their personalities?
Me:
No, I mean fat bodies are beautiful on the outside when you look at them.
Them:
Sure, but only on the inside, right?
🚫no mens comments🚫
Therapy actually wasn't a shit show.
I wanted to talk about the anxiety I was feeling about visiting Greg in January, particularly around food and body image. It's something that I noticed last time I visited - his wife does keto and is very strict about it, and I found that was triggering for me and raising all these fears and anxieties that he would see what I was eating and judge me for that.
We talked about how I can feel the dissonance between what I believe with my logical thoughts and what deep wounds I was carrying from childhood.
We talked about things I can do more short term to help make sure I enjoy my time with Greg, and then also made plans to start EMDR when I get back to reprocess some of the trauma I carry around food and my body.
#MentalHealth #MentalIllness #ChildhoodTrauma #EatingDisorders #fat #fatness #FatTGNC #FatQueer #emdr #therapy #psychology
Friendly, Radical, Ambivalent: Fat Librarians and Professional Identity by Meg Galasso
Two weeks ago, I attended CALC, conference to discuss critical practice in libraries. It is based in the UK so that meant some early mornings for me here in Iowa, US. One of the sessions I was most excited about was Friendly, Radical, Ambivalent: Fat Librarians and Professional Identity by Meg Galasso. I have seen Meg present before, and she contributed a chapter to Well-Being in the Library Workplace: A Handbook for Managers. So I was delighted to see that the recording is available and you can download a PDF of her slides if you’re interested.
Oh, one last thing I want to share before I go to sleep.
Something I'm hoping to achieve when I start my HRT is gaining weight.
I know it sounds weird, but honestly? I find myself enamoured with the idea every time I think about it.
The ideals of hegemonic masculinity have been reinforced through the images of skinny or athletic, male bodies. Fat bodies are only conditionally accepted under specific conditions. Otherwise, fatness is viewed as a personal and moral failure; something to fear, to hate, to despise.
I feel some of that fatphobia dips into transmasculinity. Because for the longest time, the most represented, transmasc bodies, have been skinny or athletic (not to mention, white and able-bodied, but I don't wanna speak on behalf of POC and physically disabled transmascs as I have not lived through their experiences — but I wanted to mention that as well).
Indirectly, it sends that message that 'to be masc is to be skinny'. A thin body is "a blank slate", whereas a fat body is more likely to be gendered (in the case of AFAB folks, it's harder to be perceived as anything but a woman).
But I don't share that view. In my days researching transmasc topics and looking at images of others' transitions, I've fallen in love with the diversity; the way T redistributes body fat, the different ways you can make an outfit work; the attitude you emanate, and so much more.
To me, fatness is just as masculine as skinny and athletic are. Fat is beautiful.
While I don't think I am 'fat', more mid-size, I'm someone who was fat in his adolescence and has struggled with body weight, due to a combination of mental illness, hormonal imbalances, and difficulties with food and exercise. I've been discriminated against by medical professionals for my weight. I've been objectified as well.
It has always been hard for me to lose weight, and frankly, it's something I don't care for nowadays. I haven't had any significant health issues stemming from it. I try to take care of my body and mind as best as I can, despite the highs and lows.
Imagining myself fatter doesn't cause me any emotional distress. The opposite, actually. It gives me a lot of gender euphoria.
I wanna have a masculine belly, wider arms, man boobs, and a whole lot of body hair. I wanna have trucker vibes — but like, nice trucker. Just living life; being happy, kind; and helping others.
It's hard for me to separate my transition and my weight, as I mentioned before, T redistributes your body mass. However, what I'm trying to get at, is that I'm not scared, and I'm hopeful T will help me feel more at peace with my body.
The bottom line is, I think attitudes surrounding fatness and (trans)masculinity should change. Fat trans men and transmascs deserve so much better. Fat transmasculinity should be celebrated and cherished as any other transmasc experience.
Reminder:
Historically we see a rise of weight loss material/obsession with body aesthetic and thinness as a sign of fascism.
Feeling that society hates your fatness more intensely isn't you being paranoid or overreacting, and it's not your fault.
Your fat friends don't want to hear how terrified you are of getting fat.
Shut the fuck up.
Aby
Bobbi L. Newman
I'ma make u my baby ✨🎠🔞