Local Family Shocked Their Angelic Kid Wasn’t Secret Ninja Assassin

#Satire #BreakingNews #PureOfHeart #FamilyStatements #SatiricalNews By: TheJestPress.com **Family Declares Stabbed Student "Pure of Heart," Authorities Assess Wizard Ancestry** In a heartwarming yet knife-edge twist, the family of local university student Tyler Monroe, who was recently stabbed during a campus altercation, announced Monday that he was "pure of heart." The declaration, typically reserved…

http://thejestpress.com/2025/08/04/local-family-shocked-their-angelic-kid-wasnt-secret-ninja-assassin/?utm_source=mastodon&utm_medium=jetpack_social