Netanyahu Threatens Lawsuit Over Gaza Photo, Times Now Fear Walking Dead Status
#Netanyahu #NYTSued #GazaPhoto #SatireNews #LegalDrama By: TheJestPress.com In a bold move that combines international diplomacy with the irresistible urge to file lawsuits, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu announced today that Israel is "exploring legal action" against The New York Times over what he calls a "scandalously misleading, possibly Photoshopped, definitely unflattering"…
Erin Patterson’s Mushroom Murder Mystery Baffles Scientists and Spouses Alike
#ErinPatterson #MushroomMurder #CrimeCuisine #TrueCrimeParody #NotAFunGuy By: TheJestPress.com **Allegations Mushroom Murderer Tried to Kill Husband Aired: Casserole Capers Reach Peak Drama** PORT FAIRY—In news that has sent shockwaves through both the criminal justice system and the local mushroom foraging club, allegations have surfaced that Erin Patterson—the so-called “Mushroom…
Israel’s New Real Estate Expansion: Gaza Edition Gets Groundbreaking Attention
#MiddleEastMysteries #SatelliteScandal #WhereInTheWorldIsGaza #BreakingBricks #TacticalTerrace By: TheJestPress.com **Satellite Images Reveal Israel’s Bizarre New Hobby: Collecting Troops Near Gaza Like Pokémon Cards** In a shocking revelation that absolutely nobody saw coming (except everyone with a Twitter account and access to Google Earth), satellite images have confirmed what “sources”…
Sperm Swap Success: Babies Thrive, Moms Survive Blood Pressure Drama
#DonorDadDrama #MedicalMystery #SpermSaga #PreeclampsiaPanic #ScienceSatire **Breaking: Donor Sperm Found to Improve Babies—But Might Give Moms a Bad Attitude** By: TheJestPress.com A new study published this week is shaking up bedrooms, biology classes, and baby showers alike. Researchers have found that using donor sperm can greatly improve pregnancy outcomes for those wresting with severe male…
Israeli Security Cabinet Unveils New Hobby: Urban Gazan Real Estate Expansion
#Satire #InternationalNews #MiddleEast #GazaCity #TheJestPress By: TheJestPress.com **Israeli Security Cabinet Approves Plan to Occupy Gaza City; Already Looking for Airbnb Listings** TEL AVIV – In an audacious move that has historians, peace negotiators, and confused travel bloggers furrowing their brows, Israel’s Security Cabinet announced this Thursday that it has officially approved a…
US Doubles Maduro Bounty, Offers Cash Prize for Venezuelan Hide and Seek Champion
#MaduroMadness #BountyHunterBoom #RewardRiches #DiplomacyDollarMenu #CashForCoup By: TheJestPress.com **US Increases Reward for Arresting Venezuela’s Maduro to $50 Million, Local Man’s GoFundMe Soars to $27** Washington, D.C. — In a major statement to the world—and to anyone looking to pay off an egregious credit card balance—the U.S. government has officially doubled down on its…
Man Claims Innocence, Blames Invisible Ninja for Minnesota Lawmaker’s Demise
#Satire #NotGuilty #MinnesotaNews #LegalDrama #JestPress By: TheJestPress.com In a shocking twist that not even the writers of daytime soaps could have seen coming, local man Gary “It Wasn’t Me” Johnson pleaded not guilty this week to murder charges in connection with the tragic and totally not meme-worthy death of a Minnesota lawmaker. The courtroom drama was so thick, Judge Judy herself…
Nasal Insulin Spray Promises Brain Boost, But Memory Still Forgets To Show Up
#Alzheimers #InsulinNoseSpray #BetterMemoryThroughNostrils #FutureIsNow #BrainGains **Breaking: Scientists Unveil Revolutionary “Nose Spray” Memory Treatment; Optimists Already Forget Where They Put It** By: TheJestPress.com In a breakthrough fit for the next episode of “Black Mirror,” researchers have announced that squirting insulin up your nose may help treat Alzheimer’s by zapping memory…
Dean Cain Trades Cape for Badge in Honorary ICE Officer Role
#SupermanICE #DeanCain #ICEmanCometh #HonoraryAgent #TheJestPress By: TheJestPress.com In news that’s likely to make Lex Luthor sweat and undocumented aliens double-check their disguises, former TV Superman Dean Cain is set to be sworn in as an honorary ICE officer this week. The actor, once beloved for soaring through Metropolis on prime-time television, will now trade in his cape for a clipboard and badge —…
Cuban Military’s Secret Cash Stash: Five Things You Didn’t Expect
#CubanStash #SecretCash #MilitaryMoolah #HeraldSpill #HavanaHijinks By: TheJestPress.com In shocking news that absolutely nobody could have predicted—except maybe every conspiracy theorist since 1962—the Herald’s crack investigation has revealed the Cuban military’s top-secret dollar stash. That’s right: while you were busy stockpiling toilet paper or watching that tenth documentary about the rise and…
