war is the most fucked-up drug

the cult teaches you to trust your body,

but only for violence

===

Just...think about that,
if you've not seen active combat.

Now, think about
what growing up in that mindset
does to a kid.

Growing up #ActuallyAutistic in that environment gave me a layer of subconscious expectation that any touch could become violence at any moment. The heightened awareness of #ConstantVigilance is just...life as normal.

Being back here is...not good for me.

This is the place where that training happened.
Finding a way to keep my personal stability has required compromises to preserve my literal sanity.

Resisting that is the first part of even having equal footing with other, more 'socialized' individuals in social, interpersonal, and personal contexts.

The work of #deprogramming this will take me a lifetime, and my primary concern is making sure that this trauma ends with me.

I'we wages war on war, that tomorrow's children might live free.

And this commitment towards finding and ending the root cause of armed conflict cannot be changed, shaken, or deferred.

===

Peace in our time, or gee tee eff oh.

Thank y'all for being on this journey with i'we.