For the first time, I served as cantor at our church, and I am still processing it.
We are currently between music directors. Our new director does not arrive until 15 March, which means there was no one to lead the music this morning. We, as a choir, have just been rehearsing with a 90-year-old fill-in organist
pzroviding the accompaniment. I prepared the mass setting and the Litany of Lent, rehearsed as thoroughly as I could, and showed up—nerves and all.
I will be honest. Standing at the beginning of the service, leading the music for the whole congregation, was quite frightening. There was one small moment after the Gospel Acclamation where I was supposed to chant a sentence and did not know the chant. I had not been given it. So I made the decision, left that moment out, and kept moving. In performance, the ability to recover and keep going without drawing attention is its own skill, and I think I managed it.
What I did not expect was the response afterwards. Several people approached me to say how much they had enjoyed the liturgy and how easy it had been to follow. More than one person commented that my voice was powerful and filled the space well for someone who has spent years training her voice as a choral scholar and alto, and that hearing the sound carry, that it does what it is supposed to do in a large acoustic, matters. Next week, the soprano scholar will take the cantor role, which gives me a week to breathe.
The other thing sitting heavily on me this week is the ongoing decision about where to complete my Master of Counselling.
The University of New England has an intensive course. The content is well-structured, and the units interest me. However, there are four invigilated exams throughout the degree. Invigilation in this context means someone monitors your physical space via camera, checking that you have no unauthorised materials open nearby. I understand the reasoning behind it. Artificial intelligence has changed the integrity landscape for universities, and they are responding to real pressures.
My concern is with my own history. I have a background of being closely observed and harshly criticised for small mistakes, and that pattern has left its mark. It has taken me months of slow, patient work to reach the point where I can sit an online quiz without freezing. Watched assessment in an invigilated format is a different level of pressure, and I do not yet know whether I can manage it. I have been negotiating accommodations. I offered alternatives, including an online quiz or a Zoom-based oral examination with the unit coordinator. I have been told, gently but clearly, that they are unlikely to be able to accommodate me given the AI integrity requirements. I am still waiting to see how far those conversations can go.
There is also the matter of workload. The course lead suggested I enrol in one unit at a time. I respect that this is standard advice for managing stress. However, I have an AuDHD brain, and one unit is not enough stimulation to function well. Sensory and cognitive understimulation is a real phenomenon for neurodivergent people, and it affects concentration, motivation, and mental health. I also have a clear goal. I want to finish this degree within two years so I can be working in the field within three. One unit per semester does not get me there.
My alternative is Edith Cowan University, where I have already completed two units. The next unit I need is scheduled to run in May. I have applied for a waiver so I can take the digital counselling unit out of sequence. ECU runs units in six-week intensive blocks, which suits the way my brain works. There are no invigilated exams. The pace is faster, but the structure is more manageable for me.
Whether I stay at UNE or return to ECU depends on what the ECU waiver decision looks like and how the accommodations conversation at UNE resolves. I want my degree. That has not changed. What I am still working out is which path actually works for me as I am, not as a hypothetical neurotypical student.
On Wednesday evening, I will be at St Paul's Cathedral in Melbourne to hear the King's Singers, and I cannot quite believe it.[1]
The King's Singers have been setting the standard for a cappella vocal ensemble performance for more than fifty years. They are a six-voice group performing entirely without accompaniment, and their blend, intonation, and dynamic range are considered among the finest in the world. This Melbourne appearance is one night only, on 4 March at 7pm, and it is the only Melbourne date on their current tour.[2][1]
The programme for this tour, called Close Harmony, spans an enormous stylistic range. Beginning with music from their earliest repertoire in the late 1960s, the evening moves through Renaissance sacred music, English folksong, jazz standards, pop classics, and contemporary works. You might hear William Byrd alongside Billy Joel, or a madrigal sit next to a Beach Boys arrangement. The programme also includes a segment called Something Borrowed, where the ensemble selects songs with local resonance and performs them in their signature style as a personal gift to the audience.[3]
One detail about this concert worth mentioning is the ticketing model. Tickets are available on a pay-what-you-can basis, starting at $20 for supported tickets. The organisers have been explicit that everyone is welcome, regardless of budget, and you can select the amount you can afford when booking. That approach, taken with world-class musicians performing in a cathedral, feels genuinely significant. Live classical music at this level is not always accessible to people on student incomes or fixed budgets, and the decision to remove that barrier matters.[1][2]
The venue itself, St Paul's Cathedral, was chosen specifically for its acoustics. For someone who sings in a liturgical choral context, hearing six of the world's finest singers in a cathedral acoustic is going to be something else entirely.[4]
Later in the week, I also have a mentoring session for my volunteer work, as well as for my regular lectures and tutorials. But Wednesday evening is the thing I am quietly anticipating most.
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#CantorLife #ChurchMusic #LiturgicalMusic #LentSeason #KingsSingers #ClassicalMusic #ACapella #MelbourneConcerts #StPaulsCathedral #MasterOfCounselling #AuDHD #NeurodivergentStudent #PostgraduateLife #OnlineLearning #CounsellingStudent #ECU #UNE #ChristianLiving #ChoralScholar #MusicAndFaith
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