@ariadne this thread sure sparked a lot of dialog, which is great. IMO, there should be more inclusive conferences, especially for open source.
For security conferences, I’ve always found that OWASP regional and global appsec conferences to be super inclusive and affordable. Additionally, OWASP chapter meetings are free and open to anyone to attend.
BSides are also great to attend. You get some super talented individuals, usually on the offensive or research side, attending them. Again, super affordable. Local security cons are also great. I'm in Chicago and attend THOTCON whenever I get the chance.
For open source, I'd love to go to FOSDEM, but have never had the opportunity to go. It’s difficult to justify the expense of travel, etc, for attending it when my primary day job is not open source. Now, if there were a North American FOSDEM or equivalent, I'd be able to justify that much easier.
But I also try to avoid the big conferences when possible. I attend RSA every 5-6 years because I try to avoid the circus. But this year, I will be there. But it's the same reason I've never attended an LF conference. They're too big. I love to go to conferences where they're small enough that you can sit down with speakers and other SMEs and just talk. I remember my first time going to OWASP AppSec Cali (since been renamed) and it was an amazing experience. You had some of the brightest minds in application security at this small/regional conference and you could just sit and talk with people without all the corporate things getting in the way.