cap’n watsisnameAn air mattress is great when you want to sleep on the floor but not right away.
mortimermaiden
- 149 Followers
- 52 Following
- 52 Posts
ugly vince
Sir MichaelHere's my explanation of the film Armageddon, which I believe to be a very misunderstood film
Amyyou know what? I don’t think I’m gonna let that guy put a chip in my brain after all
Dropped Mikeinterviewer: it says here you’re not afraid to challenge authority
me: no it doesn’t
Doctor: I'm afraid we've lost him.
Mother: How?!? He was just here for a check up!?!
Doctor: It's just a figure of speech, ma'am, he's right here in the morgue.
mo[throwing coin into fountain] I wish I was better with money
as a Male Feminist, i only watch porn that passes the Bechdel test
GYM BRO: That doesn't count as leg day
ME: [eating fried chicken] I'm sweating ain't I???
JonInterviewer: why did you leave your last job?
Me: because of something my boss said
Interviewer: it says here you were fired
Me: that's the thing he said
RMWhy sleep when you can NOT do that and get more and more tired and lean ever closer to the ground until you’re one with it and moss grows over your bent body and small children climb to the top of you and roll down effervescent with laughter?