Posts are my own.
Business Intelligence, general Data stuff, humans have value, wishing I had the energy to fight more battles against injustice in all its forms.
| Pronouns | he/him/his |
| Professional Blog | https://www.markvsql.com |
| Personal Blog | https://cantjuggle.com |
The holiday season brings on some complicated emotions and memories for me. While I have joy with my wife and offspring, there is a lot of history and trauma that gets dredged up too. If you experience this as well, please know that you are not alone. I see you.
Better today than yesterday. Feeling physically and emotionally tired, but the fog has mostly cleared. Putting in the work (various therapy modalities & SSRIs) has made me more resilient, even when things put me off balance.
Every once in a while, my #Depression hefts my #Suicide attempt (https://cantjuggle.com/2024/03/17/almost-there-and-back-again-a-fat-mans-tale/) like a blacksmith's favorite hammer, walks boldly up to me, and bashes me in the chest. It LOVES that my feelings about that event are not as cut and dry as I would like.
Dealing with that now.
Feeling proud. Wrapping up a successful client engagement; my first since leaving Microsoft. Feedback from Client, my manager, and my teammates was beyond stellar. My self-confidence has returned. I cannot stress enough how much that means to me.
Feeling pretty beat today. #Anxiety spike on Saturday left me flat yesterday and lingering today. No reason for the spike. They don't need one. For more on what this feels like, see https://cantjuggle.com/2022/02/05/anxiety-disorder-acid-and-cash-money/
My mental health continues to be pretty good. I am seeing excellent benefits from Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation ( #TMS ), which I finished last week. And the fatigue I felt while going through it is subsiding. I have had more energy of late than I have had in years.
I am currently experiencing the best mental health I have had in years. It's been a long road with a lot of really hard work. Yes, therapy is work, you guys... Especially when you throw yourself into it like I do.
For those struggling today, please know it CAN get better.
I'm going through another round of Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS) for my #Depression and it is helping. It's exhausting but I'm able to schedule the appointments after my workday so I don't need time off.
Also, my confidence is pretty much back. Sweet.
Mark Vaillancourt
Scott Hanselman 👸🏽🐝🌮