abandon your humerus, all ye who enter here
bay area / from wisconsin
jokes / music / photography
she / her
#TootTunes playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6cNWupJLQASu9ASVD6JRGA?si=32cc09d5e0f8482d
Kit 🦊
- 543 Followers
- 506 Following
- 50 Posts
Life hack: by putting [not urgent] in the email subject, you are almost guaranteed to get an immediate response. This has a 100% success rate for me.
*pops snorkel out of mouth*
“You guys told me this was a dive bar.”
“You guys told me this was a dive bar.”
I caught someone staring at me during a meeting this morning, so I stared back, and suddenly the empty feeling inside made perfect sense.
THEM: “Kit, I don’t love you any more. And you don’t love me. At least, that’s the impression that I get.”
ME: (cry-skanking) “…never had to knock on wood…”
my exercise regimen is a whole bunch of cinnamon toast crunches
Hey Mr. Tambourine Man, give me that tambourine. It’s a work day, and we’ve asked you to stop several times now.
A single tear falls from her cheek and mingles with the warm syrup and melted butter. She looks up with red, puffy eyes and says softly, “This Waffle House is not a Waffle Home.”
Hey Webster if you love words so much why don’t you Merriam