I’m taking the plunge.
Just because my ex-mob-of-angry-villagers cheated on me, that doesn’t mean I have to be alone and unchased.
“There’s plenty of angry mobs with pitchforks in the sea”, my mom would say.
So I’m setting up my profile on VillagR. Wish me luck!
#humor #orcs
Me literally can’t even.
Me took kitty for evening walk yesterday. Guess what? An Orc was being chased by a mob of angry villagers…
MY mob of angry villagers.
Those two-timing traitors!
Why they chase other orcs? Me not monster enough anymore?
Kitty being generous and bringing me live mice from hunting.
Orcs are terrified of mice! Mice second most frightening thing to orcs. (Immersive theater is most scary. Fourth wall there for a reason.)
Me appreciate the gesture, kitty, but please kill mouse dead first.
#cats #humor #orcs
Every morning me take kitty for walk before work.
People and dogs see little kitty and run away.
Why people so afraid? She just a harmless little cat.
Handy tip for other orcs (perhaps for my orc roommate):
When cooking in kitchen, 'clean as you go' not that hard. Maybe make fun game of it, or something.
Department store me work for have a 'refer a friend' employment campaign.
It not go so well.
It not me fault all friends are orcs.
Department store hire a bunch of orcs and put them in room together. What did they think was going to happen?
Me kicked out of another laundromat. How me going to wash on laundry day?
Sorry if chainmail in dryer be loud, but that life sometimes! #humor #orcs
Hate it when me hungry at night and:
1. Go to refrigerator.
2. See nothing me want.
3. Neighbor yells at me to leave his food alone and get out of his apartment.
This happen to you too?
So annoying.
It Wednesday episode of "Ask an Orc Anything"
Dear Orc,
What is it you do for a living, now that you are no longer in battle? I imagine it must be something ever so exciting and adventurous!
Sally-Mae
***
Sally-Mae,
Me glad you ask!
Currently working in the complaints department of ladies' department store.
Not as glamorous as might think.
Most of day spent getting yelled at by little old ladies who reek of cheap hair dye and chardonnay.
Sincerely,
Eeyorc
