
BOISE, ID—Crying out “¡Dios mío!” and “¡Ayúdame!” as soon as they heard the opening notes of the Puerto Rican superstar’s “EoO,” millions of terrified conservatives reportedly lost the ability to speak English Sunday after exposure to Bad Bunny’s Super Bowl LX halftime performance. “Oh, what a crock-load of mierda—¿qué?—¿qué está pasando? ” said local 43-year-old Randy […]
For the last time, Die Hard is not a CHRISTMAS movie. Die Hard is a THANKSGIVING movie. It's about a bunch of Europeans who barge in on some Americans while they're just minding their own business having a party, shove guns in their faces, take over their land, and try to steal their gold.