Mastodawn

donni saphire

@donni

9K Followers

537 Following

6.3K Posts

Chicago comedian in real life, Internet poster in posting. Proudly hatless. Suspicious of most squirrels. Only wrestles sea cows seasonally

Proof I’m Me!	https://twittodon.com/share.php?t=donni&[email protected]
Pure Toots	https://justmytoots.com/donni@mastodon.social

Birds: Are they watching you at night? “There’s no way to know!” wail terrified scientists

Triscuits are miniature wicker placemats for cheese.

Far be it for humanity to take advantage of the giant floating nuclear fusion plant in the sky, free of charge, and use it for good purposes.

Think about all the cool shit we’d have if we weren’t ruled by such miserable dorks

ME [ killing you and taking all your stuff ]: Ethical issues aside, this is gonna be a big win for me

i've now had one of every m&m colour and i feel nutritionally complete

Yes, get mad at the world, but self care is important. Make sure to also get mad at yourself

Sorry, I can't, I'm listening to sad songs, and trying not to make them my personality.

Bring me a plate of mozzarella sticks every 15 minutes until I pass out.

I'm on my last legs. We all are, really