One day you’re young and the next thing you know you need a “strategy” to get up out of a chair.

usually nap time is my favorite time of day. i hate when it betrays me 😞

Welp. Only one thing's gonna break the tension now. Good ol' group sex. Let's have at it.

I have cat-like reflexes, provided it's a cat that sleeps in the sun all day.

I’m beginning to think a global EMP might be the only thing that can save humanity

My therapist keeps asking for money like I’m some sort of ATM. Isn’t it enough that you know all of my secrets, Cheryl?

You could fit my limited vocabulary into a really small thingy.

Some people find cures for diseases. I just used two Pringles to make duck lips.