"you need irl community"

okay well how am i supposed to do that when irl community doesn't want me there

"to have community, you need to participate in it, go to things and engage"

okay well what if i can't go

"you need to help people and then they can reciprocate"

okay well i don't have the energy for that and when i was able to help people i apparently spent seven years helping a community that immediately abandoned me when i stopped being able to help

sooooo ????

Not all meltdowns look like screaming or tears.

Some meltdowns go inward.

The spiral.

The pacing, the numbness, the silent rage.

The feeling of being trapped inside your bodymind with no exit.

That’s still a meltdown.

We just don’t get care for it - because it’s not visible.

We don’t rest after.

We blame ourselves.

We call it “a bad mood” or “being dramatic.”

But it’s a nervous system collapse.

It’s our bodymind saying "this is too much".

When we only define autistic distress by how it looks to others, we abandon ourselves in the moments we most need support.

Internalized meltdowns are real.

They need care, not shame, and certainly not erasure.

@actuallyautistic #ActuallyAutistic